Portugal football star Cristiano Ronaldo is to join
Spain to help ease his nation's debt crisis and Britain is to begin
taxing fresh air, British newspapers reported in their April Fools'
Day editions.
According to the Independent broadsheet, Real Madrid winger
Ronaldo has agreed to "act like a patriot" and defect to the
Spanish national team, netting his debt-ravaged country 160 million
euros (227 million dollars).
"Weighed down by debt...Portugal's finance ministry has secured
the co-operation of football's highest-paid player in an audacious
bid to draw the nation back from the brink of economic collapse,"
claimed the paper's lead.
Mirror reporter Flora Olip, coincidentally an anagram of April
fool, revealed that the British government was to introduced a
"gasp" bill to raise taxes from fresh air.
"Olip" reported that the "Air Tariff Control" system would tax
areas with fresher air while more polluted cities such as London
and Manchester would be due for a rebate.
The paper "cited" a senior Environment Agency technician as
saying: "Air is natural but, just like water, it is a finite
resource that we have to manage sensibly".
A Labour lawmaker was apparently shocked, admitting it had
"literally taken his breath away".
The Daily Express joined in the fun, reporting that a British
company had developed a modified Zimmer walking frame which
incorporated a skateboard for pensioners who wanted something "a
little more speedy".