I imagine that as a little kid, I was lucky. Heck, it wasn't
about having the toys, or the good grades, but rather, I did not
have to fight with siblings over dolls or toy cars, or to do better
than my sibling at school. When I had my sister, I imagined again
that she was upset because she missed such things which I cared
nothing for.
Still, seeing myself in the mirror, I reckon that I was
fair.
When kiddy rides cost 20cents, and I learnt that my mother had
no money, I just played twice. 40 cents. When toys were not a
given, I did not really remember asking for any. They just, came
when I needed them. I had lego sets, toy figurines, and still, my
favourite pasttime was playing with coins rather than expensive
toys.
Cheap make belief toys were fun. With my entire collection of 10
cent coins, I imagined my kitchen table to be a battlefield, and
each coin was a soldier. I marched soldiers through bridges which
were represented with long rulers, obstacles which were represented
by bowls, cups, and what you've got, and every day was a huge
mission.
I had dolls even, as a guy. My sexual orientation has always
been in doubt. I loved my first snoopy, and while I ended up with a
football team of cuddlies, I later learned that they are important
to children. There were reports of earthquakes when kids were
buried under debris, and those who survived, coincidentally had a
doll of some sort to hug and talk with until the rescuers came.
Perhaps, my world collapsed since day 1 I was born. Perhaps,
many people in my generation can empathise, no reason found and
stated.
Still, it was weird, I had soft toys and they were male.
Snoopies, Garfield, Odie, I only recall having one female bunny
whom I playpretend weddings with my favourite Snoopy. It was
somehow in my genes that monogamy is permissible. Polygamy is a
sin. Still, when I look at society nowadays...
Let's go back to the toys.
As I grew, I played perverted things with my toys, I guess
knowing too much led to a delusional mindset. I wouLD NO longer
conduct warfare based on fairness and integrity, but based on
all-out-attacks. I would no longer play marriage with dolls, but
instead bullying each other instead. Somehow or rather, I saw this
as growth.
It did not seem healthy, still, it happened. I would argue with
my parents, the classmates are playig soccer! That's violent! I am
just.. pretending to kill people!
In a whisker's time, more than 20 years have passed, few weeks
back a nice VCD appeared on my desk through a mail from a friend,
it was a Thai film titled <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_Chan">My
Girl </a>and the dejavu that fills my empty heart as I
watched the movie was impeccable.