Here are a few reminders....
A Small Gesture
A lonely person's pity
meter is a finely tuned instrument. There is no greater kindness
than not extending an overly magnanimous invitation that
makes her feel like the neighborhood charity case. A small
gesture—an offhand invitation to lunch—is often a better
antidote.
Dinner and A Movie
Some people are so
debilitated by loneliness that they can hardly discuss it (or
anything else). Inviting a friend to a concert or movie will give
you something to talk about over dinner.
Prescription for Success
Offer to accompany
her to a medical appointment. One study found that doctors said
they treat socially isolated people less well than patients with
supportive families, and they've seen other health practitioners do
the same.
Try Not to Cancel
Try not to reschedule plans
or cancel at the last minute. Lonely people tend to see social
engagements as life buoys in a long week; canceling can leave them
feeling unmoored.
Checking In
Leave a message. A voicemail or
e-mail can make her feel she hasn't been forgotten.
Reality Check
Since research shows that the
lonely tend to remember more details about their social encounters
and often interpret remarks and nonverbal messages negatively, you
might give her a different interpretation of her officemates'
behavior or be her reality check at a party.
She's Not Your Wingman
Do not abandon her
at the buffet! Dragging your friend to a party might seem like a
good idea—she'll get out of the house and meet people—but throwing
your friend into a clutch of cheese-straw-wielding revelers by
herself while you catch up with other guests is almost guaranteed
to leave her feeling worse than before.
Help Her Find Her Place of Comfort
Remind
your friend that doing things alone—going to a movie, eating out—is
hard for a lot of people, especially the first time. You might take
her to the coffee shop that gives you a sense of community when
you're on your own and volunteer to help find a place in her
neighborhood.
Invitation Is Welcome
If you're part of a
couple, don't let that stop you from inviting your single friend to
join the two of you for dinner or a Saturday outing to Ikea. One
O editor says that in her post-divorce despair, some of
her happiest, least fraught times were with her married friends who
just asked her to show up, plop down on the sofa, drink a little
wine and stay for dinner.