YOU MIGHT BE A CITY HARVEST CHURCH MEMBER IF…
Who are these City Harvest Church members, and how to
recognize them?
Do they recognize themselves?
I welcome anybody to contribute but keep it light and
funny –
To say it with Sun Ho China Wine lyrics:
LET ME SEE SOME BULLET, BULLET, BULLET….
I will kick it off:
YOU MIGHT BE FROM CHC IF: …
1. If you think the death of your parents was God’s
blessing because they left you a fat inheritance…You might be from
CHC
2. If you offer to pray for a friend rather than
actually help him…You might be from CHC
3. If you “SIT AT THE SIDE OF THE BED CONTEMPLATING
SENDING YOUR HUBBY TO THE CEMETERY ROCK (China Wine Lyrics)…You
might be from CHC
4. If missing your tithe contribution disturbs you more
than children dying of starvation…You might be from CHC
5. If you vigorously deny the Chinese gods but feel
outraged when someone denies Jesus…You might be from CHC
6. If you hold your poo til Sunday because the church
has stylo mylo toilets…You might be from CHC
7. If you violently oppose to evolution instead claim
we are created from dirt…You might be from CHC
8. If you laugh with Zeus sleeping with an earthly
woman but you have no problem believing a Holy Spirit impregnated
Mary...You might be from CHC
9. You are red hot angry about the atrocities committed
by Muslims yet you worship a God who slaughtered babies (Exodus)
and eliminated entire ethnic groups including women, children and
trees (except the virgins – they could be kept alive)…You might be
from CHC
10. If science, history, geology, paleontology,
biology, physics, medicine,… all have failed to convince you
otherwise, yet a mega-rich pastor speaking in tongues is all you
need as evidence…You might be from CHC
11. If you know less about the bible, church history and
Christianity than the average atheists, despite “school of
theology”…You might be from CHC
12. If you consider 0.0001% of answered seed prayers a “high
success rate”, and the remaining 99.9999% failure was just “Gods
will”…You might be from CHC
13. If you believe pastor Kong’s “speaking engagements”
paid for his multi-million dollar home and lavish celebrity
lifestyle … you might be from CHC
14. If you believe that there is a God, who speaks to
pastor Kong directly…You might be from CHC
15. If you believe: the higher the tithe – the higher
the faith…You might be from CHC
16. If you believe that Pastor Kong is always right,
and Joseph Prince gets it wrong occasionally…You might be from
CHC
17. If you believe you can speak 3 languages: English –
Mandarin and… Tongues…You might be from CHC
18. If you are an ugly male virgin between 15 and 22,
and go to Suntec City every weekend…You might be from CHC
19. If you are an ugly male uncle over 40 with a (no
longer) virgin female girlfriend between 15 and 22, and you go to
Suntec City every weekend…You might be from CHC
20. If your name is Jack Neo…You might be from
CHC
I look forward to your contributions…