Why does he do it?"
A great deal has been written on this subject. No-one really knows.
All social groups of men are affected. Perhaps it is genetic. After
all, before birth all embryos start out as female, which explains
why men also have nipples! Perhaps his mother wanted a girl, and
kept telling him so. Maybe he was always brought up with girls, and
was conditioned to behave like them. Perhaps satin and velvet are
just more snuggly than denim and wool! Perhaps the grass always
looks greener for the opposite gender, like in the advert below,
where men have to pay more.
Notice ads rarely feature a man, but usually a rich, beautiful,
fashionable and female model. Why? To give a subtle message that
buying will make us feel more like we can live her fantasy
lifestyle. Why assume men aren't influenced by all the ads aimed at
women? They cartainly are. They may not rush out and buy that
particular lipstick, but unconsciously some absorb the message -
they want to be like that lovely young model too. Ads do work, but
the result may be unexpected.
"Come on, I watch ads for men's razors but I don't use them... Well
all right, maybe on my legs."
Probably none of the above are conclusive in themselves, it is a
combination of factors. Think of the conflict that religion or race
have caused, through ignorance. When we stop to think, we know that
as with belief or skin colour, many shades are valid. We are none
of us 100% male or female. Women are are usually about 10% male,
and have hormones of the opposite sex both naturally, and from the
food we eat. The opposite is also true. One example is that some
women have more or stronger hairs on their bodies than others or
always wear trousers, but are no less women. Some men eat more
foods like tofu, which contains a lot of female hormones, or are
really good at knitting, but are of course no less men. It is
perfectly possible for a person to be born 60% male, 40% female
inside (or even 50-50) without any implications for their sexual
preference.
"Can I stop him?"
Well you could, but only temporarily. The chances are, you will
only make it a big guilty secret. Then neither of you will be
happy, and the issue will be unresolved. There is increasing
medical evidence that some men really can have a female brain in a
male body. A tiny area in the centre of the brain concerned with
gender identity (not sex) has been proven to be small in females
and those who want to look like them, but large in males. But he
definitely can't stop himself, even if he promises to, so don't try
to make him if you love him.
"How do I know if he is bi-sexual?"
Ask him! It is vital to understand there are different types of
crossdressers or TVs (See Definitions). By far the majority are
straight and find the thought of sex with a man unthinkable, but of
course many feel as confused as you do, and a few are gay. One rule
of thumb (but by no means conclusive) is to ask him does he want to
look and behave like a soft, understanding normal woman, or a loud,
tarty slag? If he wants to look like a prostitute, it is possible
that he may want to behave like one. Equally it may well be only
fantasy. Don't panic however, as it is also extremely likely that
if he looks like a tart, it is just because he needs help dressing
convincingly as a normal woman!
"What if he wants to actually change sex?"
If that is so, he is unlikely to be with you in the first place. In
that rare case he is trans-sexual (TS), a a woman in the wrong body
who needs to be reborn. A TS will be taking hormone treatment,
desperately wishes he could have babies, and genuinely wants
periods! A TV usually would only fleetingly consider having the
gender re-assignment op. For him being a woman is a favourite
weekend hobby (for some men it's cars or ball games). If he doesn't
get a regular "fix" and some acceptance of this special role, he
gets very frustrated. I am not making light of it, but it is a
regular, very temporary gender switch.
A sex-change doesn't happen overnight, and there is no way a TV can
be bothered with two years living full-time as a woman before the
pain, considerable expense and risks of surgery, or the continuing
rejection which may be met afterwards. Hormones such as Premarin
(made from pregnant mare's urine!) are not prescribed or taken
lightly even for a TS, due to side effects and increased risk of
breast cancer and worse. The nearest he might come is fantasising
about having real breasts; but he wouldn't actually do that, as the
results would be too embarrassing when in male mode, and there is
no need when such good false breasts are now available. Women young
and old are increasingly fascinated by cosmetic surgery, but
comparatively very few do it - and we wouldn't have to change our
whole body, job, identity and life as a TS would.
"Isn't it a perversion? I can't help feeling disgusted."
It's true some TVs may seem slightly mad. After all, their female
side is often trying to escape long-term severe repression, making
for difficult social relations. But a perversion is far, far worse,
i.e. when physical pain or kinky sex with children or even animals
is involved. (If he is into that, I'd be worried - but not about
crossdressing, by far the lesser issue!) Who cares if a minority of
ill-informed people are 'disgusted'? It harms no-one. Most women
fear the worst and are relieved, once they find out his underwear
doesn't belong to another woman, and he isn't the local
axe-murderer. Take it step by step. Don't spend too long analysing
it, just enjoy it.
"He reads crossdressing magazines full of pornography!"
Yes, there are some pornographic magazines that court popularity
amongst homosexual men by including "chicks with dicks", or
crossdressing sluts in O.T.T. positions with banner headlines like
"Real Hardcore Filth"! But magazines actually aimed at straight
crossdressers feature provocative poses, but little nudity and no
sex. There is plenty of vanity, to be sure, and to get a balance
the magazines may feature a "sensational" story as well as the
serious items. The most-read items though will be make-up and style
tips, and reassurance from real women.
"But they have ads from creeps, and dirty phone lines!"
So do the newspapers. Adverts are usually from gay or "bi" men
looking for a partner, which gives the totally misleading
impression that the majority of crossdressers are all like that. A
TV will rarely advertise for a woman in there, because he will
either already have a woman partner, or else he knows very few
women will be amongst the readership. Magazines however need the
revenue from such ads and phone chatlines, which the publishers
imagine will be more readily accepted than in mainstream
publications.
