How to get married?

GwenSilvz SG

I intend to propose some time this year.. and how do I go about doing it?
I heard there's 2 significant of rings needed? Engagement ring and wedding ring?
Engagement ring only need 1 to propose or do I need one as well?

Is it a must to have diamond on engagement ring? I don't intend to have one. Not that I'm cheapskate or not unable to afford but because I have a special and meaningful reason for not having it.

Say I've already proposed, what's next?
ROM? As good as legally married?
And when do we exhange vows?
And how many gatherings or ceremony I have to go through (Traditional chinese and Catholic)?

Please advice!

Hello Kitty SG

izit a tiffany platinium six prong diamond ring 1st?

Maith SG

just now at the countdown at vivocity,at the skygarden there,got one guy suddenly propose to her gf seh...with one small bunch of flowers,a little diamond ring,guts and sincerity. With all this,she sure yours liao...my gf said its very sweet somemore Wink

jojobeach SG

Yes, engagement ring. No need diamond.

Yes, wedding band, best have diamond or whichever kind of precious stone your new wife prefers. Because wedding band is the one that is more significant.

Have your parents met up with her parents yet?

Yes ROM is legally married.
Exchange vows during ROM.

Some my friends had both, traditional AND religious.
You need to discuss with your new wife.

CannyOng SG

Attention seeker,is it? I will not preferred to have proposal with crowd around...

FireIce SG

www.rom.gov.sg

Jezmeister SG

no idea about sg but certainly over here the traditional is usually diamond on the engagement ring and metal only wedding - mainly because the wedding ring is supposed to be worn all the time so it makes sense for it to be more durable and less easily damaged. the engagement ring is often only worn on special occasions once the marriage has happened so it can afford to be more showy and spectacular. the wedding rings a symbol of a promise and love not wealth imo.

You only need the engagement ring to propose... I think a lot of people like to get the wedding rings together as part of the preperation for the wedding rather than with the engagement ring.
just remember ultimately what engagement ring you get should be up to your gf/fiance not you - it's her who has to wear it, so even if you get it without showing her make sure it's with what she likes in mind - the sorta stuff she usually wears would be a good place to get ideas Smile

jojobeach SG

Yes Jezmeister, in the US of A.
It is rather impractical, isn't it ?
If the engagement gets called off, who gets to keep the ring ?
Nowadays wedding rings are made of platinum/other hardy metals. No longer the softer metals like pure gold.
If the wedding band is the one that gets most worn, isn't it better to make THAT one more nicer than the engagement ring ?
And since the wedding band is the one that is more significant since it is the one that symbolize forever union, isn't it more sensible to spend more money on the band than the engagement ring ?

If you ask any girl which would they prefer to wear everyday, they'd choose the nicer ring.
I don't know about New York, but where I live, they wear the Engagement ring AND the Wedding band together. Everyday.

In Singapore, we are partly western and partly Asian.
The traditions and practices has evolved over time to suit the needs of modern Singaporean.
During my mother's time, there's only ONE ring.
The proposal/betrothal is done with offers of gifts to her family.

There are 4 pieces of gold and wedding dowry involve. The tradition is very different from Westerners.

My Asian friend had a hard time getting her American husband to accept the idea of a dowry as it seems like the family was selling their daughter to him. But in fact, it was an offer to thank the parents for the effort in raising their daughter.
If you want to understand more, you'd need to do some research.

Here's a link for your reference and for TS too.

http://www.singaporebrides.com/features/custom1.htm

The practice will vary depending on their dialect group.

Ofcors, newer generations have forgone most of the more elaborate procedures and opted for the simpler westernized wedding.

Jezmeister SG

I don't know about New York either tyvm I'm British not American, from the original City of York in fact.
And who said a wedding ring couldn't be nice? metals can be engraved quite intricately it's simply more practical. I honestly would prefer gold for that ring... err were i to ever be in such a position.

ShrodingersCat SG

1. I have 2 rings. 1 which he use to propose, the other which I wear as a wedding band. I differ from jojobeach in the sense that, i think the proposal ring shd be the one with the diamond, while your wedding band which you tend to wear day in day out, is a simpler one.
Tip: BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO BUY THE RINGS unless you really know her taste damn well.

2. I have no diamonds on either of my rings because generally I'm not a jewellery person and don't see the point of spending $ on a diamond ring which i'm not going to ever wear. As far as i am concerned, might as well tattoo a wedding band but my hubby doesn't like tattoos but...anyway So, there is no must - as long as your girlfriend AGREES with it. She might have different thoughts -heh heh-

3. Most people ROM one year, then have their customary the next - thanks to HDB balloting and whatever needing an ROM cert but cannot move in together immediately. But really there is no hard and fast rules to anything.

4. Which dialect group are you and how traditional are both sides families? Some things which you would need to take note:
- groom's family usually give a 'dowry' of gifts. Ensure that this is discussed first between your gf and her parents, then formally either through those 'aunties' OR what I did was just to have both families dinner together and finalise what items to buy and etc.
- before the customary, I had an event called the 'guo da li' which is basically groom's family delivers the gifts to my place which include all the cakes which you need when u give invites to your relatives.
- depending on HOW traditional and what expectations both sides have, gifts will include:
- some dried plant thing to be exchanged to pomegranate leaves
- suckling pig OR pig trotter's cans
- liquor to be exchanged with some sweet drinks
- oranges
- 4 dian jin: 4 piece of gold usually earrings, necklace, pendant
- angpows: which the groom gives, and the bride's family will take a portion and return the rest
- another angpow specifically for bride's mom

a lot lah.. u tok to those chinatown aunties they tell u everything.

4. For ROM.. dont go ROM to ROM la... cos ... queue up and all. Can invite a JP to go anywhere to officiate one.. i got mine to go to changi beach Mr. Green free location summore.

Waaa I say so much... cos nostalgic lah.

But.. serious.. How to get married? With sincerity and honesty - that will make the marriage far more than just the wedding. And its the marriage that matters - not the rings, the weddings, the parties.

jojobeach SG

Opps, my bad.

In USA, the wedding ring is the most elaborate. And the wedding band.. blah~.
I really wonder why. To hook the girl in at the "hello" I suppose Laughing

Anyway, men like simple ring, but women wants something more showy.

Now another question for you. Do guys in Brit wears engagement ring too ?

jojobeach SG

"But really there is no hard and fast rules to anything." This is very true.

But if the gf needs to choose the ring, then cannot surprise proposal leh.

Anyway, the wedding is not the hardest part leh...hehehehehe it's keeping the marriage that's a lot of work.

ShrodingersCat SG

that's what my hubby says too Smile He says he prefers to give me a gold ring, I can choose the design, because gold is traditional and u know.. Embarassed

At first I was a little unused to it cos gold for young folks in asia is kind of .. unfashionable cos of its 'traditional' usage - usually people use platinum or titanium or watever. We ended up with very simple almost 'lord of the rings' gold bands with engravings.

And it grew on me - the soft warm lustre of gold instead of the cold sheen of platinum.

ShrodingersCat SG

Originally posted by jojobeach:
[b]

But if the gf needs to choose the ring, then cannot surprise proposal leh.b]

U can surprise her with a special proposal

but.. uhhh.. very sian if the ring is not what you want - u know what I mean. Hurhur...

knowing men, i don't leave such things to chance. Anyway i think guys appreciate a bit of hints where gifts are concerned - or they end up getting you a vacuum cleaner.

What I do is just to browse shops and say "that's ugly, that's nice.. OOOH THAT"S VERY NICEE!!!.. that one also nic.. not bad.. ugly..." hurhurhur

jojobeach SG

yah lah.. can don't spoil the market ? Laughing

Jezmeister SG

yep the girls do. when they're engaged that is not in general Razz no idea what my gf would want... probably one made out of cake

jojobeach SG

Uh , one of my bf proposed to me before, almost got married.

But hor he proposed with a ring that look very obiang... so sad.. almost an insult to my taste.

Then we had to go down to the store and request for exchange...it was really pai seh.. cus the designs i like are more expensive.. end up never exchange...

But in the end.. we didn't get married lah... and boy it was an awkward experience. And he refused to take back the ring lor...

jojobeach SG

So the guys walk around without an engagement ring.. how would other girls know that you are already taken then ?

Jezmeister SG

generally by the fact he's walking round with a girl wearing an engagement ring lol

jojobeach SG

That's not very fair Twisted Evil

How long does it take to get from engaged to Just married ?