by Mamak Cock
The Gahmen announced today a $200million plan to restructure the
architecture of the Esplanade, as conservatives argued that it
creates a skyline that encourages oral sex, which is currently a
criminal offence under Singapore law.
Mr Boh Lan Chiao, a consultant with the Public Works Department,
explained: "We have received many complaints that the Esplanade
does not resemble two durians, but rather a pair of prickly
testicles. And when viewed from a particular angle, the Victoria
War Memorial seen together with the twin domes, looks like a set of
male genitals. So there is some merit in the suggestion that it
results in a skyline that might promote oral sex.
Mr. Boh said that the Singapore Restructuring Committee has been
tasked with restructuring the skyline of the Esplanade into
something more acceptable.
Unnamed sources have informed TalkingCock that the Theatres are
likely to be turned from domes into squares, as it better
represents Singaporeans, especially Gahmen scholars.
Mr Speculasamy, a taxi driver, dismissed the reasons and claimed
that the real reason why the Gahmen wants to reshape the Esplanade
is because it actually resembles the Opposition.
When pressed for an explanation of his hypothesis, Mr. Speculasamy
explained, "You see, the domes are two big balls. Who else has such
big balls in Singapore? Only the Opposition, what! Even defamation
suit also not scared. So Gahmen doesnt want to encourage people to
have big balls ahead of the coronation, sorry, sorry, election of
the new Prime Minister.
Meanwhile, Mr. Mohammad Bola bin Gatal, a despatch rider, opined
that perhaps the giant ferris wheel that was supposed to be built
at Marina Park marina can be constructed between the two durians.
He explained that this could help satisfy those who feel deprived
by the oral sex ban, by giving them the same level of thrills as
they ride on the ferris wheel.