So the new Lord of the Rings
movie is coming out, and you want to impress some Ah Lian youre
trying to buaya by being able to explain the whole complicated plot
with all the funny sounding names and words. You want to seem like
youve actually read all 3 books, but damn suay even The New
Paper is too cheem for you. Nehmine! Dun scared! Here is our
easy to understand guide to J.R.R. Tolkeins trilogy, written
specially in the conversational style of Ah Bengs, so you can
memorize:
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Last time got this short-short person with si-beh hairy legs called
Bilbo, lor. He, hor, got this ring that last time belong to some
monster.
But then, hor, one day suay-suay the monster want it back, and send
his kah kiah to Bilbos house to settle, lah.
But the ring, hor, acherly can make people very powderful. But
then, hor, if you wear too long will also kena sai. Si beh hiong
one, so better faster go and destroy it, lor.
So Bilbos nephew Frodo
Aiyah, dun ask me why their name all so
funny, can or not? You ask me, I ask who?
Anyway, Frodo and some peng yew kena arrow to go and destroy the
ring.
But donno why also, they must do it in the monsters home, which is
at the end of New Zealand there.
So they walk and walk and walk across New Zealand, lah. And then
along the way, got monster chase them, got people want to hoot
them, some of them dieded, all sorts of thing, lah.
At the end, Frodo and Sam, his pooi-pooi friend who I think so is a
bit ah quah, got separated from the rest.
THE TWO TOWERS
Frodo and Sam meet up with this thing called Gollum, who look like
he take too much Slim 10 like that.
At the same time, hor, the other friends get into some powderful
hooting session, where, wah lau eh, even the trees can do gongfu
one. They all fight over what, I also donno, but quite kan cheong,
lah.
THE RETURN OF THE KING
In the end, Frodo and his peng yew all win leow, lah.
Arbuthen?
- This condensed version of
J.R.R. Tolkeins Lord of the Rings trilogy was brought to you
courtesy of the Coxford Singlish Dictionary. www.talkingcock.com
