by Pak Cham Kai
The Media Development Authority announced today that the Singapore
Film Commission will be financing a series of films featuring
soon-to-be Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.
Said SFC spokesman Mrs Ho Lee Quah, "Singapore is currently trying
to make DPM Lee more popular ahead of the next elections. And films
are a proven way of doing this. After all, look at the example of
California. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a self-confessed molester of
women and admirer of Hitler, managed to become Governor by a
landslide, even though his films didn't portray him particularly
attractively. Imagine what can be done for DPM Lee."
In line with current blockbusters like Lord of the Rings, the
Matrix and Kill Bill, the BG Lee film series will also be a
multi-part story, tracing his development over the years.
The first film will be A Dutiful Mind, the account of a brilliant
young mathematician, whose mind is torn between pursuing his first
love for playing with numbers and the call to serve both family and
country.
The second film will be The Damn Action Hero, the tale of
Singapore's youngest Brigadier General and his baptism of fire.
Inspired by BG Lee's heroic command during the Eniwetok accident
(where a drillship langgar-ed some Sentosa cable cars), it will
feature action-packed scenes of BG Lee rappelling from a helicopter
to rescue citizens. Based on a true story.
The third movie is 2 Fast 2 Furious, which charts the turbulent
period where Singaporeans, concerned about BG Lee's rapid rise to
power, try to figure out exactly what kind of person the heir to
the Prime Ministership is: a brilliant political star, or just a
quick slapper with an even quicker temper?
The fourth movie relates the action-packed adventures of
Singapore's Minister of Finance as he struggles to wrest control of
the Singapore economy back from the clutches of dark global forces
- Lord of the Sing$.
The fifth and final movie aims to leave audiences in no mind about
who Singapore's master of lightning-fast hand-to-hand combat is.
Finally, after so many years, BG Lee is The One!
"We expect the films to be blockbusters," said Mrs Ho. "Literally.
If you don't go and watch it, we'll find your block and bust it
down."
The films will also be compulsory-watching for schoolchildren under
the National Education initiative. "No problems with ratings," Mrs
Ho emphasized. "They're all rated NC16, for now compulsory to watch
between 1 and 6 times."
Interestingly, DPM Lee himself might be directing the films. "Why
not?" said Mrs Ho. "He comes from a family with a proven track
record of staging political dramas."
She also dismissed any suggestion of conflict of interest. "Please,
he's very at home with tackling projects that on the surface, seem
to be at odds. Don't believe me? Ask his wife and brother,
lah!"
Singapore filmgoers expressed cautious optimism about the film
series.
"They look quite interesting. I hear DPM Lee personally hand-picked
Zoe Tay to play Mdm Ho Ching," said cinema enthusiast Chia Kah
Chang. "But I wonder how come all the films are patterned on big
budget American movies? Surely to dispel his atas image, he should
come out with something more appealing to locals. You know, like 'I
Not Violent' or 'Daddy No Enough'."
*kope from www.talkingcock.com
