Touch 4D? Strike lottery? Suddenly every cousin from here to
Alor Star coming to visit? Don't let this happen to you! Here's
some advice from TalkingCock.com on how to hide
your winnings from mooching relatives and friends:
1. Act blur.
2. Hire a professional hitman to get rid of family members: you can
afford it now.
3. Get Caller ID and always answer their phone calls with Sorry,
wrong number.
4. Say youve given it to the GIC for safekeeping and now, even you
dont know where on earth it is.
5. Tell them you cant find a job in Singapore and you have no
choice but to leave the country to seek employment.
6. Tell them that youve already spent it all on genital
enlargement surgery.
7. Tell them youre just taking care of this BMW for some tycoon
whos being quarantined at Tan Tock Seng for suspected
you-know-what.
8. Hide it in a Planta margarine tin under your bed or under your
mattress. Theyll never think of looking for it there.
9. Tell them that in line with Gahmen policy, you already gave it
all to some foreign talents.
10. Say, Sure, Ill share it with you. You do know about the
curse, right? Then start giggling in a sinister way. (You might
also want to stop blinking and maybe drool a little bit for
effect.)
11. Hire some Iraqis to hide it for you theyre doing great work
with those weapons of mass destruction.
12. Say you lost it all to some guy who sold you a magic
stone.
13. Use the money to finance the development of a time machine and
send your relatives back to the dark ages.
14. Tell them this big house isnt yours youre just the
maid.
15. Hide it in your large intestine.
16. Say youre donating it all to a deserving charity: the Buy Me a
Ferrari Foundation.
17. Eat them. (The winnings or your relatives. Your choice.)
18. Tell them youd happily share the money with them, but that Ah
Long, your loanshark, could be a bit buay song about it and may
want to discuss it with them personally.
19. Distract them by waving around Hello Kitty toys.
20. Faster spend it, lor.
