disclamer: This work is purely fictional. Any names of
characters used in the story related to persons living, deceased,
or fictional is purely coincidental.
this morning i went to an indian banana leaf restaurant to tapow
food for breakfast coz i had a craving for some indian cuisine like
bryani rice, tandoori chicken, masala prawns etc... the indian
restaurant was at arab street
so when i was at the food counter looking at the display of indian
dishes n deciding what to eat, i overheard an indian man with a
thick punjabi accent talking on the phone, probably taking a
delivery order.
he was saying like "so i repeat your order... one buttered chicken,
spicy bryani rice, one mutton kebab... give me your address, repeat
that please... huh? in mumbai? another country"
then he said "EH SINGAPORE LAH! ONLY DELIVER IN SINGAPORE"
so i had a quick laugh, probably a prank call. then at the food
counter, a botak fat indian man pestered me to quickly order n stop
being distracted as he doesnt have all day to serve me"
so i ordered bryani rice, tandoori chicken, cabbage curry and
mutton keema. it was packed in a big banana leaf n bundled up nice
n tight.
then after paying, i wanted to pee, so i went to the toilet. i saw
many bundles of banana leaves in the kitchen together with a banana
flower on it.
i heard a 'heeeelllp me....heeeelllp me...' voice... like a lonely
ghostly female voice.
omg, i tell myself i m hearing things. i turn around, i dont see
any female here in the dirty place...
then i heard the voice again!! i realized it was coming from the
banana flower!!! so i went to the pile of banana leaves n picked up
the flower...
then a strong force pushed me into the toilet! i was still holding
on to the banana flower. then a naked female spirit appeared before
my eyes, together with misty clouds!!!
oh my god!! she is so sexy!! her skin was fair n white like ivory,
with a slight luminous greenish blue. her face was full of serenity
n beauty! she was tall n had a model's figure
i like!! i got turned on by a banana spirit! i cant believe it. so
i asked her what she want? actually i feel like wanna piak piak
her.
she told me yesterday in the banana plantation in lim chu kang,
some farmers came n chopped down the tree n harvested the bananas,
banana leafs n flower. that banana tree was her home n when the
farmers chopped down the tree, she was in the banana flower n
before she had time to escape, the farmers already loaded up the
bananas n leafs n drove off to the pasir panjang market, n to the
indian restaurant to deliver the leafs.
so she said she doesnt have a home now n is stuck in this indian
restaurant, n will die if she dont find a new banana tree as home
within the next 24 hours. she needs my help n wants me to bring her
to a new banana tree for her to live in.
since now we're both in the toilet n she hella hottie even though
she's a ghost, i said 'u let me piak piak u first then i help u
ok?' so she agreed n i had the best piak piak in my life, better
than geylang PRC or Thai zhabors. She brought out the manhood in me
n made me feel like a real masculine man.
so then i said ok i'll help u... so means i have to go to the
jungle to find an unoccupied banana tree. so i quickly left the
indian restaurant, while holding the banana flower in my hands
(with the spirit inside it) n i went to the roadside, want to hail
a cab. but i realized that i left my packet of bryani rice in the
restaurant!! alamak, dunno where siah. i think i left it by the
hook on the toilet door after the piak piak session.
so i went back there, n then one indian cook saw me, with the
banana flower in my hand. i think he suspected i stole the banana
flower from the kitchen area, n he looked at the banana leaf pile n
realized so. so he say "EH DEH!! U TAKE OUR FLOWER...BETTER RETURN
IT NOW!!" he said 'its to make special curry lah!!'
so i pleaded to let him give me this flower coz i needed it
urgently (dont have time to explain the whole story to him!!) He
said cannot, banana flowers is very rare, we dont get banana
flowers everyday' 'Furthermore, got a VIP coming to restaurant
today, we need to use the banana flower to make 'SPECIAL CURRY' for
him.
so i ask him sell me, he quote me $20 for the banana flower!!! omg!
so expensive. i think he trying to rip me off. then i bargained but
he refused n he rushed to me n tried to snatch the flower from me!!
then the banana spirit inside intervened n shoot out a ray of light
n blinded the indian guy n make him fainted...
so i quickly left by the back door n hailed a cab, to jalan kayu
jungle...
i realized after all happenings that i was late for work already.
so i called up my boss n said i'll be late n he said he wanna cut
my salary!! oh no! damn...
the journey from arab st to jalan kayu gonna be a long one, n i
felt hungry, n asked the cabbie if i can eat my bryani rice in the
taxi, coz i very hungry. he said 'BUAY SAI LA, TAXI LAI PENG BUAY
SAI JIAK MING KIA, LU MAI KA WA LUAN LAI HOR!'
furthermore he told me he hates indian food coz its smelly. i told
the uncle i give him $2 more if he let me eat, n i promise i wont
dirty his cab. he said pay $10, take it or leave it. so i said ok
la....
i rather eat my bryani rice now in the cab than eat later, coz
later will be busy finding banana tree for the banana spirit. then
if the rice cold liao will be bo ho jiak. so i opened up the banana
leaf rice n lay it on the taxi seat, as a table. i then sit on the
floor of the taxi n eat the yummy bryani rice with fragrant
tandoori chicken, cabbage curry n mutton keema. plus with crispy
papadams.
welly nice to eat de wor. i asked the spirit in the banana flower
if she wanted to eat, but she said she dont eat such food one.
while i was eating halfway, the taxi driver probably got pissed coz
the food smell too strong, foul up the whole cab. (esp. the curry n
mutton smell)...
he then complained n he took air freshener n spray around... wah
lau... the air freshener smell too overpowering n made me gag. so
when i finished eating i decided to throw the whole sheet of banana
leaf outta window coz i lazy to find dustbin later to throw. i keep
the plastic bag coz can use during 'no plastic bag day at
supermarket'. then i unwound the window n i just heck care, throw
the whole sheet of banana leaf (which had pieces of rice, curry n
chicken bones). the taxi was then travelling along PIE...
so when i threw the big sheet of banana leaf out, it floated like a
kite n i turned behind n look, oops, it landed on a silver toyota
altis car's windscreen n was stuck there (due to the curry
sauce)...
the driver of it probably got a shock n lucky he used his wipers to
get rid of the leaf as it was obstructing his view. i think he
looked pissed n i saw him speeding up to catch up with my taxi!! oh
no! i think he gonna go after me. so i tell the taxi driver to
drive faster to loose him. i told him i will pay $10 more. so he
did n he quickly exited to yio chu kang exit in the last minute n
the toyota car didnt follow us, phew...
ok, then arrived in jalan kayu jungle n i had to pay like $35 in
total for the taxi fare, damn. then the banana spirit came outta
the flower, n we had to hike in the jungle n look out for banana
trees. after hiking for 10 minutes through the undergrowth n kenna
bitten by mosquitoes, i saw a few banana trees, n asked the spirit
if it was suitable for her home. she inspected it n said ' this one
cannot, too old... this one too weak... this too rotten...'
haiyo, so had to hike somemore n the jungle was so hot, make me
sweat. the ground also so muddy, dirty my nice armani leather shoes
n CK pants. then we saw a few more trees n she inspected it n later
said this one is suitable. she said thank u n wanted to go inside
to her new home, but i halted her n asked me for another reward,
for helping her. so i said i want to strike toto first prize... n
she was like reluctant to help me.
so i threatened that i will stick a pin in the banana flower if u
dont help me, or worse still i will burn or chop the whole tree. so
she said ok, n plucked a banana n gave it to me. in it got 6
numbers for buy toto one...will sure strike first prize wor
so i very happy n hike out to the main road n hailed a cab back to
the 7-11 near my office. i bought the toto number n went back
office, so late already, bout 12pm+... my boss then scolded me for
being so damn late... n i wanted to explain the whole story to him
but i think he wont buy it...
so heck care la... yes!! on thursday i m going to strike toto first
prize!!! thanks to the banana spirit!! woohoo!! i m gonna be
rich!!! wooopeee dooo
