1. Be grateful for the tiny stuff.
Maybe you always say thanks when he does something huge, like backs
up your computer files or cleans out the basement. But most days,
we're guessing the ordinary contributions he makes barely register.
"Over time, we stop noticing what our partner gives. His nice
gestures become like wallpaper," says Levine. "We think, Of course
he'll take the trash out. So we don't bother to say, 'Thank you.'"
Here's why you should: Those two words not only make your man feel
like a rock star, they also bring out his sweetest feelings toward
you (making him more inclined to thank you for all you do). And the
more you acknowledge the tenderness that's already there, the more
conscious of it you'll be, and the more you'll truly appreciate
just how downright great your love is.
To show him how grateful you are, "get really specific," urges
Betsy Sanby, a licensed marriage therapist in Minnetonka,
Minnesota. ("Thanks for picking up the take-out I was so
exhausted and you made my night!") You can even jot down your
gratitude, as Jennifer Miller, 38, of Santa Clarita, CA, does.
"When my husband has been great to me, I write it down on a slip of
paper, date it, then place it where he'll find it later, like on
the computer keyboard or in a stack of mail," she says. "They're
often very concrete things, like 'Thank you for staying up late
last night and making sure the bills got paid.'" It takes all of
ten seconds, she says, but "I know it means a lot to him, because
he keeps every note."
2. Stop being so darned efficient.
It's easy to drift out of couple mode when you're each racing to
divide and conquer every task on your to-do lists. "Often, both of
you get so busy managing your household responsibilities, it's like
you're a tag team, on parallel tracks," says Sanby. In the blur of
jam-packed days, you may not even notice what a great team you make
or have a conversation beyond, 'You pick up Dylan, and I'll get
Maddie. Okay, go!'" But even the strongest couples need lazy
moments ideally à deux to kick back, crack up (in a ha-ha way),
and rediscover the joy of being together.
One solution: "Buy some time together literally," suggests Sanby.
"Hire someone to take care of onerous tasks, like mowing the lawn."
You don't need to burn through cash, though, to carve out us time.
Consider dropping the least-loved activity from your (or your
child's) schedule. Also, take advantage of free childcare, from
eager grandparents to that neighbor who would gladly swap Saturday
afternoon baby-sitting duties with you.
And don't underestimate the power of carting the Chinese-food
cartons to the table (instead of noshing in front of the TV or at
the counter). Elizabeth Hurchalla, 36, of Venice, CA, has found
that simply sitting down together keeps her and her man connected
during extra-stressful times. "We've both been working really crazy
hours lately. But we try to have dinner together every night, just
like our parents made us do with the family when we were growing
up," she says. "Even if we're just eating leftovers, we light a
candle and sometimes even put on music before we sit and talk about
our days."
3. Connect for two good minutes a day.
Sure, weekly date nights are great, but who the heck can
consistently pull them off? A more practical intimacy builder:
Connect for 120 seconds every day, advises Cheryl McClary, author
of The Commitment Chronicles: The Power of Staying Together. "Even
the busiest pair can find two minutes to focus on each other," she
says. "My husband and I pick 9:30 at night, when our kids are in
bed." Spend the time giving your man one good compliment ("Your new
haircut makes you look hot") or sharing a moment that made you
smile ("It was so sweet when you took Ethan out for a bike ride
after dinner"). You can also use it as check in time: Ask him,
"Anything you wish I were doing more of?"
What's crucial is that you sneak in this one-on-one talk almost
every day, even if it's when you're lying in bed at the end of the
evening. "It doesn't work to wait until the weekend," adds Sanby.
"You can drift far during the week." What you're really doing is
reminding each other why you fell in love in the first place. "It's
so beautiful to hear, that two minutes feel like 24 hours," notes
McClary.
4. Wear your sweats but in moderation.
We all, ahem, relax our beauty standards once we're nestled in a
cozy relationship. Maybe we lounge in clothes we'd never be seen in
public in. Or we blow off our hairbrush. Often, our guy encourages
us, either by letting himself go, or by complimenting us when we
look our absolute worst. "Patrick tends to tell me I look beautiful
when I'm sweaty after a run, or I'm a mess first in the morning, so
it makes me try less," admits Amanda Dundas, 31, of Brooklyn, NY.
"I don't spend an hour straightening my curly hair or bother with
makeup, because it doesn't seem to matter to him."
Having a guy who accepts you as is can be a wonderful gift but
it's easy to abuse. You don't need to blow out your hair as
meticulously as Jennifer Aniston (and please, who has the time?),
but you'll do your bond a big favor by making some effort, some
days. It's not just for him, points out Levine: By touching up
those roots or slathering on a rich body lotion, "you stay
connected to your sensual side" meaning you'll stay connected to
your sexual side, too, helping to keep up the intimacy and romance
that makes love fun.
From:MSN.com