When you consider that half of men say that they're currently
not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy
machines are waiting to be turned on. What are they waiting for?
What makes a man fall in love? After you rule out the obvious
intangible laws of chemistry, attraction, and being in the right
place at the right time that kick-start many a relationship, I
think the question really becomes this: What makes a man fall --
and stay -- in love? About 60 percent of men deem friendship the
most important thing in a relationship (sex comes in at a skimpy 8
percent, according to a national Harris Interactive poll), but
let's delve a little deeper. What exactly does that mean, and what
kind of woman does a man really want? With full acknowledgement
that men's tastes in women are as unpredictable as the plotline of
"24," these are some of things that many men value in "the
one."
A Woman with a Passion in Something Other Than
Him
Yes, it's nice to be doted over. Yes, it's nice to be pampered.
Yes, it's nice to be with a woman who showers you with compliments,
neck kisses, and all of her attention. But there's a virtual Great
Wall of China between a fleeting, flirtatious glance and the kind
of attraction that can last a lifetime. Many men say they like a
woman who's immersed in something else other than the relationship
-- be it her work, or her sport, or whatever her "thing" is. Why?
The passion she shows for something else confirms her inherent
goodness, her personal drive, her independence. All pluses in the
woman we're hoping to spend a few decades with.
A Woman with No Problem with Guy Time
Every relationship has to choreograph the time-together dance. Once
a couple elevates from casual to serious, it goes through that
period when most waking and sleeping minutes are spent together.
But at some point in the dance, one person will call a time out
from the music of coupledom, and try to spend more time with his or
her friends -- while still being careful not to step on any feet in
the process. Even when they're with the most perfect woman, men
still crave the occasional space to spend golfing or drinking or
doing whatever (64 percent of men are happy to have the time to
themselves when their wives or girlfriends have plans). Men love,
appreciate, and are thankful for women who respect and endorse (and
not complain about) his need to have a few testosterone mixers.
Don't worry, March Madness will be over in just a few weeks!
A Woman with a Strut
Her strut in the bar may have been part of his initial attraction.
The strut from the bedroom to the bathroom after the first night
together may have been pure visual ecstasy. But the strut that
happens day in and day out is one of the major attractors for a
man. What do I mean by the strut? It's that attitude, that
sassiness, that confidence, that charisma, that charm that shows
she can be a little bold and little daring. In a recent post I
talked about the line between a woman being confident and a woman
being so aggressive that she turns men away, but the truth is that
in certain aspects of relationships, men want women who have the
strut. Men want to be with women who challenge them, who push them,
and who take the lead some of the times. And that's as true in the
bedroom as it is in planning their next weekend getaway. The
danger? While it can be insanely attractive, that strut of
confidence can also swing a man 180 degrees -- if she uses it in
other places, like to flirt with other guys, to become a
relationship dictator, or to pick a fight with his mom in front of
the whole family. He'll point that kind of strut right out the
door.
A Woman with a Good Taste in Ties
Okay, so we don't really care about the ties per se. But what we
care about is a woman's ability to give us a little-and this is a
key word-gentle guidance. I know Freudian followers will say that
it's a man's need to be mothered, but it's more than that. Every
relationship is a give and take, and guys will definitely take
women who can warn us when our new soul patch looks stupid, who can
guide us to the perfect suit and shirt combo for an upcoming job
interview, who can help them make decisions without being harsh or
judgmental. Guys like to project that they know what they're doing
and that they don't need any help. Women who can help steer us,
without aggressively grabbing the wheel, are the most treasured
copilots.
