Dear Kid In The Background Of The Jessica Alba Bikini
Pictures;
You're a lucky son of a bitch. You'll never do anything as good in
your life again as casually swim by Jessica Alba while she's
wearing a bikini.
None of us will. That's the highest achievement of mankind.
You could do great things; cure cancer, win multiple academy
awards, sell ten million records, become the president of Zimbabwe.
But when you completed any of these achievements, the headline in
the newspaper the next day would read "Boy Who Swam Next To Alba
Did Good." And you're not gonna be mad when that happens. Because
Jessica Alba is that friggn' hot.
You look about eight years old. Maybe younger. Now when I was
eight, I wasn't really popping too many boners. I was mostly
thinking about the Ninja Turtles. But I can see it in your face,
kid. You've got a diving board down your pants. I'm sure you have
no idea what to do with it, whatever. The point is, Alba's so hot
she gave an eight year old wood. She's so hot she gives new born
babies wood. Hell, she's so friggin' hot she gives chicks wood. So
kid, don't be embarrassed. You're in good company.
Also, if you're ever strapped for cash, I've got an idea for you.
Put the goggles you wore on eBay. List them as "Goggles Worn When I
Saw Jessica Alba In A Bikini" and set the minimum bid at $10,000.
And then watch them sell. For a million bucks. You're probably
thinking, but wait, they didn't even touch Alba, who's gonna buy
them?" Kid, ohhh kid. The same sun rays that were baking the sweet,
supple perfection that is Jessica Alba's ass passed through those
goggles. The same salt water that tingled in between Alba's nether
parts touched those goggles. Trust me. They'll sell.
I'm sorry for you, however, because you're never gonna find another
woman attractive again. You've seen the mold, the absolute
pinnacle, and now every other chick you'll come across will look
inferior. You're probably gonna turn gay...and that's only expected
of you.
In conclusion kid, I salute you. You saw Jessica Alba swim by...and
lived to fight another day. Alba in a bikini is like a modern day
version of a medieval dragon...mythical, amazing...and dangerous as
hell.
Congratulations...and...can I hang out with you some time?
Love;
DoubleViking.com
