BUt still have a merry
Christmas 
http://www.newsmax.com/smith/santa_china/2007/12/19/58254.html
Santa Collides With Chinese Military Plane
Wednesday, December 19, 2007 10:34 AM
Santa Claus has been brought down somewhere over the South China
Sea in an apparent collision with a Chinese fighter jet. 
The collision occurred while St. Nick was flying his sleigh on a
return trip from Hong Kong to the North Pole.
Our pilots were flying within a reasonable distance when one of
them was blinded by the lead reindeers nose. This caused him to
lose control of his jet and accidentally fire two heat-seeking
missiles that collided with the sleigh, stated the Chinese foreign
minister.
According to the Chinese defense ministry, Santas sleigh was being
escorted by J-8 fighters from Hainan Island. The Chinese government
characterized the fighter escorts as a precaution against Santas
aggressive acts that endanger lives.
We have credible reports that Santa Claus has injured elderly
women with his reindeer driven sleigh, noted the spokesman for the
Chinese Foreign Ministry.
We acted prudently with self-defense measures to ensure that he
did not intrude illegally into the airspace of the Peoples
Republic, stated the spokesman.
The offensive and aggressive actions by Santa Claus caused this
unfortunate accident to occur. The fault rests entirely with the
North Pole.
The Chinese pilot managed to eject safely and was picked up later
by a Chinese navy patrol boat. Santa Claus, however, has not been
found and whether he survived the collision is not known.
U.S., Japanese and Taiwanese naval units are scouring the area in
the hopes of finding St. Nick alive but hope is fading. China has
lodged an official protest against the joint-naval rescue effort,
noting the entire South China Sea, and in fact, the entire Pacific
Ocean is considered Chinese territorial waters.
The tension over the shoot down of Santa Claus caps a year of drama
between the North Pole and Beijing. Beijing denied the shoot-down
occurred because of the failing trade ties between the worlds
biggest provider of Christmas gifts and the largest manufacturer of
toys.
This unfortunate incident has nothing whatsoever to do with the
North Pole banning Chinese made toys, stated the Chinese spokesman
angrily.
We all know that the lead levels in Chinese made toys are only
slightly lethal and as long as children dont remove them from the
packaging they are perfectly safe.
The North Pole disagreed. Santas head elf commented that Beijing
was very upset on the ban of Chinese made toys and that Chinese air
force fighter jets had been playing chicken in the air with
Santa, trying to scare his reindeer.
We are not a political organization. We took these trade measures
simply to protect all the good little boys and girls from harm.
Even the bad children only get clean burning, sulfur-free, coal in
their stockings along with Al Gores DVD on global warming, said
Santas elf.
The elf also denied reports circulated by the Chinese military that
Santa was on an illegal spy mission over the mainland.
Santas sleigh is clearly marked as civilian and he was flying
well inside international air space, stated the elf.
Santa has repeatedly offered to allow close inspections to assure
authoritarian states that he is not engaged in any illegal
activities. We had to deny access to the Chinese military because
they appeared to be more interested in copying the propulsion and
navigation systems on Santas sleigh than inspecting to ensure he
was not only any so-called spy flight.
The toy ban is not the only incident between China and the North
Pole.
China also came into conflict with the elves in the past few
months. Elf union representatives met this past year with members
of the Chinese labor force in order to inspect mainland factories
for human rights violations.
We noted that even though we [elves)]work 24 hours a day, seven
days a week, all year long under extreme conditions in the North
Pole, for no pay . . . Our work environment was still better than
the Chinese, stated the labor representative of the Elf
Union.
The incident has brought some response from other capitals around
the world. North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il released a statement
critical of Beijings actions.
I was expecting a 2008 Mercedes this year to add to my
collection, said the official DPRK news outlet quoting the dear
leader.
The Bush White House expressed concern over the loss of Santa but
noted that the president hoped it would not interfere with
Sino-U.S. trade relations.
Congressional leaders in Washington from both parties also
expressed concern over the shoot down. The only exception was Sen.
Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., who simply replied Bah! Humbug!
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