TEMECULA, Calif. - He was one of America's first defenders on Sept.
11, 2001, a Marine who pulled burned bodies from the ruins of the
Pentagon. He saw more horrors in Kuwait and Iraq.
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Today, he can't keep a job, pay his bills, or chase thoughts of
suicide from his tortured brain. In a few weeks, he may lose his
house, too.
Gamal Awad, the American son of a Sudanese immigrant, exemplifies
an emerging group of war veterans: the economic casualties.
More than in past wars, many wounded troops are coming home alive
from the Middle East. That's a triumph for military medicine. But
they often return hobbled by prolonged physical and mental injuries
from homemade bombs and the unremitting anxiety of fighting a
hidden enemy along blurred battle lines. Treatment, recovery and
retraining often can't be assured quickly or cheaply.
These troops are just starting to seek help in large numbers, more
than 185,000 so far. But the cost of their benefits is already
testing resources set aside by government and threatening the
future of these wounded veterans for decades to come, say
economists and veterans' groups.
"The wounded and their families no longer trust that the government
will take care of them the way they thought they'd be taken care
of," says veterans advocate Mary Ellen Salzano.
How does a war veteran expect to be treated? "As a hero," she
says.
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Every morning, Awad needs to think of a reason not to kill
himself.
He can't even look at the framed photograph that shows him
accepting a Marine heroism medal for his recovery work at the
Pentagon after the terrorist attack.
It might remind him of a burned woman whose skin peeled off in his
hands when he tried to comfort her.
He tries not to hear the shrieking rockets of Iraq either, smell
the burning fuel, or relive the blast that blew him right out of
bed.
The memories come steamrolling back anyway.
"Nothing can turn off those things," he says, voice choked and eyes
glistening.
He stews alternately over suicide and finances, his $43,000 in
credit card debt, his $4,330 in federal checks each month the
government's compensation for his total disability from
post-traumatic stress disorder. His flashbacks, thoughts of
suicide, and anxiety over imagined threats all documented for six
years in his military record keep him from working.
The disability payments don't cover the $5,700-a-month cost of his
adjustable home mortgage and equity loans. He owes more on his
house than its market value, so he can't sell it but he may soon
lose it to the bank.
"I love this house. It makes me feel safe," he says.
Awad could once afford it. He used to earn $100,000 a year as a
16-year veteran major with a master's degree in management who
excelled at logistics. Now, at age 38, he can't even manage his own
life.
There's another twist. This dedicated Marine was given a "general"
discharge 15 months ago for an extramarital affair with a woman,
also a Marine. That's even though his military therapists blamed
this impulsive conduct on post-traumatic stress aggravated by his
Middle East tours.
Luckily, his discharge, though not unqualifiedly honorable, left
intact his rights to medical care and disability payments or he'd
be in sadder shape.
Divorced since developing PTSD, Awad has two daughters who live
elsewhere. He spends much of his days hoisting weights and
thwacking a punching bag in the dimness of his garage. He passes
nights largely sleepless, a zombie shuffling through the bare rooms
of his home in sunny California wine country.
Look at the american whining , so think about his counterpart in
Iraq their countries is in a ruin , they wont have time to engage
in extra marital affair nor high credit card bill 11