Singapore Straits Times JAN 6, Life! Section
Singapore women fierce? So what?
Sumiko Tan
Singapore women are too argumentative, say some Singapore men. So
would there be fewer single women if we were more gentle and
accommodating?
'I'M so tired of Singapore women,' a male friend lamented the other
day.
'Why can't they stop arguing? And must they always ask so many
questions?'
The way he sees it, Singapore women - especially those who are well
educated - have become 'hard'.
They should learn to be more feminine, more accommodating and, yes,
less career-driven, he said. If they are career-minded, they should
choose mates who are not, so that the men can play house-husbands.
But then, career women obviously don't want losers.
'Two highly-stressed spouses can't add up to a peaceful home, with
children well brought up,' he said.
My friend is a Singaporean in his early 50s. Although he has had
his fair share of girlfriends - mostly Singaporean - he has never
married.
Recently, he began dating women from China. Clearly, they have made
a big, and positive, impression on him.
One, in particular, is not only young, but also 'stunning',
gentle-mannered and plays a mean guzheng.
She can not only read the Chinese calligraphy scrolls in his
apartment, but also provide the context and stories behind the
poems, whereas we Singapore girls burst into giggles trying to
decipher the scrawls. And she's not a university graduate.
Women from Malaysia, especially those from Sabah and Sarawak, my
friend observed, also out-score Singapore women in the
feminine/gentleness stakes.
They are also content to be housewives, tending to the kids while
their Singaporean husbands work. And when the men come home, these
women will not bombard them with 101 questions about their
day.
He is not the only Singapore male to make this observation.
Recently, Xiewen, who writes the fortnightly He*Mail column in
Life!, spoke of 'very attractive Malaysian girls' who would 'hold
their partners' arms over dinner and feed them. And look so totally
contented'.
He also related how a friend had this to say of Singapore and
Chinese women: 'Singapore women are no match for their Chinese
counterparts because the latter know how to be feminine without
being fawningly subservient, do take care of their male friends'
feelings and are not out to put them down as if they need to prove
something.
'A Chinese girlfriend will, without asking, peel prawns for you at
dinner without even being self-conscious about it. She will not
regard it as lowering herself, or pandering to the male chauvinist
ego.'
And, these men insist, these foreign women are not putting on an
act to entrap Singapore men for their money.
The columnist spoke of attractive, financially-independent,
professional Malaysian, Filipino and Japanese women who know how to
pamper their Singaporean male friends.
The column triggered a response from a Singapore male reader who
wrote in to Life! complaining about how 'local women don't cut
it'.
He even gave his rating of women in Asia: 'Malaysian gals are
friendly and down-to-earth. Thai gals have grace and are charming
and caring. Filipino gals have talent and are devoted. Indonesian
gals are also charming and musically talented. Japanese gals have
grace and spunk. Vietnamese gals are also graceful and
devoted.
'And Singapore gals? Only look good on the outside because they'd
use a tonne of make-up which gets washed off in the rain.'
Well, well, well.
I HAVEN'T had much dealings with women from other Asian countries,
and so I wouldn't dare pass judgement on them.
But, yes, the Singapore woman - especially if she is better
educated - is a confident and assertive creature.
She is pragmatic and, hence, materialistic. (Money talks, right?
Both Singapore women and men know that).
She is articulate (well, more so than the Singapore man) and will
fight to defend herself and her loved ones.
She goes out to work and tries to excel in her career because (a)
it is expected of her; and (b) the money she brings home makes life
easier, for herself and those she loves.
She is frank and has no time for mind games, making her, in fact,
naive at times. There is little pretence and guile. What you see is
what you get.
She is also a product shaped by her society.
Singapore is small, cosmopolitan and competitive. There are no
fields or farms where uneducated women are relegated to toil
in.
Instead, much stress is placed on education - for both sexes -
because every pair of hands counts in the urban workplace.
In school, girls are encouraged to go all out and compete with boys
(think Raffles Girls School vs Raffles Institution). There is open
competition, and open ranking.
When they go out to work, women are judged by the same standards as
men. In fact, one of Singapore's earliest female role models is Mrs
Lee Kuan Yew, the wife of the Senior Minister, who has proven to be
a successful lawyer.
And because homes and cars are so expensive, women have to work -
and work hard - if they (and their husbands and families when they
get married) want to enjoy the finer things in life.
Can you blame us, then, if we tend to be businesslike and are
uncomfortable with displaying more feminine traits like flirting,
or feminine skills like prawn-peeling?
I, for one, can't see myself peeling prawns for anyone at a public
meal, except perhaps my niece, who's small and helpless.
I mean, why does a man need a woman to do that for him if he can do
it himself? Unless he is out to prove to others around him that he
has control over her, that she is 'his woman'?
And why would a woman want to peel prawns for an able-bodied man
unless she wants to make a show that he belongs to her?
Either way, the mind games being played here turn me off.
It's another matter if the prawn-peeling is done in the privacy of
the home, of course, for couples do share all kinds of intimate
displays of affection, be it the woman putting on the man's socks
or the man fetching her a cup of tea or the newspaper.
So, yes, the Singapore woman may not be the most charming and
flirtatious of women, and she may not always make her man feel
good.
Still, if you think about it, Singapore women show they care for
their men by going out to work and helping to bring home the bacon,
and often a large slice of it, too.
And when they are upfront about their feelings, they are actually
showing respect for their men, for they are being honest. They are
not treating men as idiots by trying to fool them through saying
one thing and meaning another.
Now, if this isn't good enough for Singapore men, can you blame
some Singapore women for turning to foreign men who can appreciate
them for what they are
