There's a special brand of cheap condom making the rounds in
Europe and just entering the North American market. The brand is
popular for it's specially pleasing 'texture.' What many don't know
is that when these condoms have served their purpose, they're
actually fertilized. Submerging them in water completes the
gestation process and within 24 hours, the condoms become living,
swimming little latex creatures desperately wanting to go
somewhere. If placed in a container, they'll just keep swimming in
that same direction, bopping their head against their prison walls
or leaping out of the container to their suffocating death. As far
as anyone-in-the-know knows, they'll die when exposed to open air
or when turned inside-out and emptied of their 'contents.'
Anyway, just to be on the safe side, don't ever flush a condom. You
never know where it'll end up.
---
You've heard some of the crazy things the US soldiers in Iraq and
Afghanistan have been finding, right? Like, stuff from the palaces,
stuff in old caves, stuff in bunkers, like golden swords, big
honkin' vases, expensive jewelry, thousand year old lamps and
stuff? They found something big, just recently. Some... marines, I
think, yeah, marines, were poking around in an old cave, and they
found this chest, and in it was a collection of remarkably
preserved scrolls written on what seemed to be flesh.
Who here is familiar with the works of Abdul Alhazred? Yep. They
found a genuine first edition copy of his number-one best seller,
Al Azif. You might know it better as the Necronomicon.
---
In a small orphanage in a small village in Russia, there is a young
boy. His hair is jet black, and messy, and he tattered jeans and an
old dingy grey shirt.
Nothing is known of him. For 10 years, he sat in the bed in his
room, never moving, never blinking, never eating or sleeping. In
the 10 years, he had not seemed to age at all, continuing to look
like a 7 year old boy. The only thing that proved he was alive is
the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and the refusal
to take his eyes off anyone who entered the room alone.
A lone psychiatrist came over in an attempt to find out why the boy
had done nothing in 10 years. He entered the room, and shut the
door behind him.
30 minutes later, the orphanage's nurse came to check on the 2 of
them. Opening the door, she saw the child, still sitting, still not
moving, eyes fixed on her. However, something seemed different. He
appeared a slight amount larger; not by much, but enough to make
him look like a late 8 or early 9 year old. The psychiatrist was no
longer in the room. The door was the only exit, as the room had no
windows, vents, or anything. It was, in fact, in the exact center
of the orphanage.
He continued to sit, only seen occasionally by the lady who came in
to check on him, and she never closed the door upon entry.
A week or so later, two law enforcement personnel entered the
orphanage, demanding to speak to the boy about the disappearance of
the psychiatrist. The two of them entered, closing the door behind
him, as the head of the orphanage stood outside the door.
30 minutes passed, and not a sound came from the room. The Head
eased the door open. The boy was still on the bed, but the officers
where no longer there. The boy was know quite noticeably bigger,
about the size of a 15 year old. His skin was darker than usual,
and he looked angrier than ever. But one thing remained the same:
His cold, unforgiving eyes that stared at whoever entered.
Eventually, the law organized a large group of 10 officers to speak
to the boy. They entered the room, and left the door open, until
one of the younger orphans ran up and shut it, apparently in a
daze.
The head quickly ran to re-open the door, and upon doing so froze
him in horror. A low rumbling noise came from the room....
".....One....more...."
If you return to that orphanage, you will see it still continues to
run. The orphans live in good care, health, and education. However,
there is one room that you will see boarded up, and far from
enterable. If you ask what is behind it, you will be removed
forcefully from the orphanage.
However, when no one's looking, if you place you're ear to the
door, you might hear a low ominous growling sound, and if you
listen for a bit, you will hear....
".....One.....more...."
