The Tale of the 12 Officers
(Parable taken from: http://www.vuletic.com/hume/at/12.html)
It was, of course, sad to hear that Ms. K had been slowly raped and
murdered by a common thug over the course of one hour and
fifty-five minutes; but when I found out that the ordeal had taken
place in plain sight of twelve fully-armed off-duty police
officers, who ignored her terrified cries for help, and instead
just watched until the act was carried to its gruesome end, I found
myself facing a personal crisis. You see, the officers had all been
very close friends of mine, but now I found my trust in them shaken
to its core. Fortunately, I was able to talk with them afterwards,
and ask them how they could have stood by and done nothing when
they could so easily have saved Ms. K.
"I thought about intervening," said the first officer, "but it
occurred to me that it was obviously better for the murderer to be
able to exercise his free will than to have it restricted. I deeply
regret the choices he made, but that's the price of having a world
with free agents. Would you rather everyone in the world were a
robot? The attacker's choices certainly weren't in my control, so I
can't be held responsible for his actions."
"Well," said the second officer, "my motivation was a little bit
different. I was about to pull my gun on the murderer when I
thought to myself, 'But wait, wouldn't this be a perfect
opportunity for some unarmed bystander to exercise selfless
heroism, should he chance to walk by? If I were to intervene all
the time like I was just about to, then no one would ever be able
to exercise such a virtue. In fact, everyone would probably become
very spoiled and self-centered if I were to prevent every act of
rape and murder.' So I backed off. It's unfortunate that no one
actually showed up to heroically intervene, but that's the price of
having a universe where people can display virtue and maturity.
Would you rather the world were nothing but love, peace, and
roses?"
"I didn't even consider stepping in," said the third officer. "I
probably would have if I hadn't had so much experience of life as a
whole, since Ms. K's rape and murder admittedly seems pretty
horrible when taken in isolation. But when you put it into context
with the rest of life, it actually adds to the overall beauty of
the big picture. Ms. K.'s screams were like the discordant notes
that make fine musical pieces better than they would have been had
all the notes been flawless. In fact, I could scarcely keep from
waving my hands around, imagining that I myself was conducting the
delicious nuances of the orchestra."
"When I first arrived on the scene, I actually drew my gun and
pointed it right at the rapist's head," confessed the fourth
officer, with a very guilty look on his face. "I'm deeply ashamed I
did that. Do you know how close I came to destroying all of the
goodness in the world? I mean, we all know there can't be any good
without evil. Fortunately, I remembered this just in time, and a
wave of such strong nausea came over me when I realized what I had
almost done, that it knocked me to my hands and knees. Man, was
that a close one."
"Look, there's really no point in my trying to explain the details
to you," said the fifth officer, who we had nicknamed 'Brainiac'
because he had an encyclopedic knowledge of literally everything
and an IQ way off the charts. "There's an excellent reason for why
I did not intervene, but it's just way too complicated for you to
understand, so I'm not even going to bother trying. I mean, you
admit you are nowhere near as knowledgeable as I am, so what right
do you have to judge? Just so there's no misunderstanding, though,
let me point out that no one could care about Ms. K. more than I
did, and that I am, in fact, a very good person. That settles
that."
"I would have defended Ms. K," said the sixth officer, who was
notoriously careful about staying out of the public eye, "but it
simply was not feasible. You see, I want everyone to freely choose
to believe in me. But if I were to step in every time someone was
about to be raped or murdered, then the evidence would be so
clear-cut that everyone would be forced to believe in me. Can you
imagine a more diabolical infringement upon their free wills?
Obviously, it was better for me to back off and let Ms. K be raped
and murdered. Now everyone can freely choose to believe that there
is this extraordinary cop out there who loves them like his own
children."
"What are you complaining about?" exclaimed the seventh officer
when I turned to him, his eyebrows shooting up in exasperated
disbelief. "I just saved a woman from getting raped and murdered
last week! Do I have to jump in every time I see something like
that about to happen? I would say the fact that more women are not
raped and murdered in this city is almost miraculous testimony to
my goodness."
The eighth officer, too, looked frustrated. "Nothing I do is good
enough! Do you know how much worse it could have been? The thug
actually had a blowtorch with him when he started out, but I said
'No way, not on my watch,' and knocked it away from him with my
nightstick. Sure, I let him keep the switchblade, the pliers, the
coat hanger, and the vial of acid, but think how much worse it
would have been with a blowtorch! Ms. K should have thanked her
lucky stars that someone so loving was there to watch over
her."
"I'll let you in on a secret," said the ninth officer."Moments
after Ms. K. flatlined, I had her resuscitated, and flown to a
tropical resort where she is now experiencing extraordinary bliss,
and her ordeal is just a distant memory. I'm sure you would agree
that that's more than adequate compensation for her suffering, so
the fact that I just stood there watching instead of intervening
has no bearing at all on my goodness."
The tenth officer gave us all quite a start when he revealed a
surprising secret about Ms. K. "I genetically engineered her from
scratch. I made her, therefore she's my property, and I can do
whatever I want with her. I could rape and murder her myself if I
were so inclined, and it would be no worse than you tearing up a
piece of paper you own. So there is no question of my being a bad
person for not helping her."
The eleventh officer chimed in, gesturing at the tenth officer "I
hired him to create Ms. K for me, because I wanted someone to love
and worship me. But when I approached Ms. K about the matter, she
actually turned away from me, as though she could find meaning and
happiness with someone else! So I decided the loving thing to do
would be to break her spirit by arranging to have her raped and
murdered by a common thug, so that she might turn to me in her
extraordinary suffering, thereby fulfilling the purpose for which
she had been created. Well, mission accomplished, I'm happy to say!
A few seconds before she died, she was so insane with terror and
pain that she actually convinced herself she loved me, since she
knew that only I could end her ordeal. I'll never forget the love
in her eyes when she looked up at me the last time, begging for
mercy, right before the thug bent over and slit her throat. It was
so beautiful it still brings me to tears. Now I just have to go to
that island so she can claim her prize of servitude."
"Well, this is quite a coincidence," chuckled the twelfth officer.
"It looks like the thug got himself double pay, because I actually
hired him to carry out the murder, too! Why? Oh, well it was just a
test. Ms. K and I had been dating for some time (no offense, I
didn't know she was someone else's property), and one beautiful
night she finally told me she loved me. So, naturally, I wanted to
see whether this was indeed love - that is, whether she would
continue to adore me even while drowning in a pool of her own tears
and blood, with me standing before her doing nothing."
By now, it had become clear to me that any difficulty I might have
had in reconciling the presumed goodness of the officers with their
behavior that day was unfounded, and that anyone who sided against
them could do so only for love of evil over good. After all, anyone
who has experienced their friendship in the way I have knows that
they are good. Their goodness is even manifest in my life - I was
in a shambles before I met them, but now everyone remarks on what a
changed person I am, so much kinder and happier, apparently
possessed of an inner calm. And I have met so many others who feel
exactly the same way about them - so many who, like me, know in
their hearts the truth that others try to rationalize away with
their cold reason and sterile logic. I am ashamed that I ever
doubted the entitlement of the twelve officers to my loyalty and my
love.
As I was getting ready to leave, the first officer spoke up again.
"By the way, I also think you should know that when we stood there
watching Ms. K. get raped and stabbed over and over, we were
suffering along with her, and we experienced exactly the same pain
she did, or perhaps even more." And everyone in the room, myself
included, nodded his head in agreement.
