Something to share.... just another article I came across on the
internet.
When they hate your partner
We're all adults, yet sometimes our parents still feel they have
the right to comment on the people we date whether we live at
home with them or not.
In certain circumstances, it's perfectly reasonable for them to be
concerned, especially if our new love interest exhibits dangerous,
illegal or threatening behaviour.
Sometimes Ma and Pa simply want something or someone "better"
for their child. But, who's to say what's right for us when it
comes to love?
These tips won't guarantee a happy ending, but will have you well
prepared if you go into battle for the one you love.
The signs
The signs your parents don't approve of your new partner can be as
subtle as a raised eyebrow or as confronting as an out-and-out
statement: "They're just not good enough". Whatever the symptoms,
your parents' unenthusiastic opinion of your loved one will be hard
for them to conceal.
What's the story?
If you feel your parents' negative view of your girlfriend or
boyfriend is impacting on your relationship, it's time to have a
little heart-to-heart with your family and get to the bottom of
things. Choose your time wisely. Raising the topic after a frosty
family lunch is not ideal. Remember, your role here is the
peacemaker, the negotiator, and, in the worse cases, the defence
lawyer.
The truth hurts
Once you've heard your parents' side of the story, take time to
digest what's been said. Don't be offended by their comments.
Rather, take them on board, sift through the prejudice,
generational differences and other hang-ups, and get to the essence
of what's bothering them. Is there any truth in what they say? Do
their observations strike a chord with you, no matter how softly?
Sometimes it takes a third party to identify something that those
engrossed in a new love fail to see.
How to handle
Once you've uncovered the heart of the matter, it's up to you how
you handle your partner's defence. Are your parents basing their
judgement on one incident? Do they have preconceptions based on
your partner's social, religious or political views? Are they upset
because they always imagined you with someone taller, blonder or
who earns more money? Whatever the objection, be prepared to
counter it with a calm, logical response, backed up by facts and
examples where possible.
Smooth things over
If you believe your parents have misjudged your partner, make an
effort to right the wrong. This means giving your parents and your
partner appropriate time and space to get to know each other
without external influences such as friends, siblings or dear Aunt
Florence chiming in with her two cents worth.
Here's how:
If you still live at home, arrange a lunch date at a local café or
a picnic in the park anything to get your parents out of the
family home, a place intrinsically linked to their family pride,
dreams, ethics and expectations.
If you're out of home, arrange for your parents to come around for
lunch or afternoon tea an hour or two is all you need.
Avoid drinking alcohol at the gathering no matter how much you'd
love a beer or wine to calm your nerves. Your parents may already
object to your partner's drinking habits. Worse still, you or your
partner might have one too many and end up saying something you all
regret.
Be hardline
If you've tried to reason, discuss and resolve the issue calmly, to
no avail, be prepared to limit the time you spend with your family.
If your relationship with your partner is serious, you need to
demonstrate this to your parents by showing them that you won't
tolerate their hostility and negativity towards your loved one.
This act sends strong signals to your parents that your
relationship is important to you.
As your relationship deepens, even the most inflexible,
old-fashioned parents will be forced to acknowledge that things are
serious, and that nothing they can say or do can change that.
Don't expect miracles; parents can be notoriously stubborn when it
comes to protecting their offspring. But with time, most reasonable
folk will retreat from an uncompromising, negative view and adopt
one of acceptance, a position that says: "I'm not happy, but if
it's what you want, then I'm happy for you."
