The Differential Theory of Special Operations Forces
(Snake Model)
Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operation (AO):
* Paratrooper: Kills the snake.
* Armor: Runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
* Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty . . . Ouch! Hey,
that's not a kitty cat."
* Infantry (alt): "Ugh! Me see snake. Me like snake. Ouch! Me no
like snake."
* Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find snake. Back
to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called
"The Snake"
* Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
* Ranger (alt): Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by
friendly snakes.
* SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for
naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake
bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
* Corps Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several
hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support.
Mission is considered a success and all participants are awarded
Silver Stars. (Cooks, Mechanics, Legal Clerks etc.)
* Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost
* Combat Controller: Guides the snake elsewhere.
* Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly
works to save the snake's life.
* Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport,
wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.
