Copied from some website + some modifications...
Dealing With Telemarketers
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. They: "How are you today?"
You: (Crying over the phone) "I'm so glad you asked, because my dog
died, my gf left me, i have terminal cancer..."
3. If they say they're Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to
spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask
them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions
or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Citibank"
You: "Hang on a second. [a few seconds' pause] Okay, [in really
husky voice] What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise,
"Judy! Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have you BEEN?"
Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she
tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the
most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
7. Ask for their personal number. Telemarketer will say "We're not
allowed to give out our number". You say, "I guess you don't want
anyone bothering you at work, right?". Telemarketer will agree. You
say "Now you know how I feel!" Hang-up.
8. When you heard their name, shout over the phone "OMG Steve! How
dare you run away with my gf! Come back here this instant and I'll
punch you in your face. Keep insisting he's the guy who took your
gf. Shout abuses. Rinse and repeat.
