Steps to follow in case of an terror attack..
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your
groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may
become sterile
Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from
the hood.
If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop
to look for it.
A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient
protection against radiation
If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
farting
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms
akimbo until they stop
If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the
radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.
If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you
may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also,
they tend to rub their hands together manically.
Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a
lot in common. Think about it.
Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal
with dead, dead eyes, run the hell away.
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your
shoulder
The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water
and at least one(1) armless hand.
Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think
about a cool design for a new tattoo.
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you
are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.
If you have set yourself on fire, do not run
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist
attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple
before you die
