ST Sep 4, 2006
I can quit if I want to. Can you?
Women may carp about wage gaps, but, unlike men, they can drop out
of the rat race without getting flak
By Girl Talk, Tee Hun Ching
I WAS about 70 per cent through editing a tediously long story one
night when the computer screen suddenly went blank.
Actually, it turned blue, and amid a string of digits that were
Greek to me, there was a message that assured me the forced
shutdown was to 'protect the system from possible damage', or words
to that effect.
It was nearing 2am then, and I reckoned it was also God's way of
protecting my sleep-deprived system from further damage.
I lost all the changes I had made to the story, but I didn't swear,
I didn't scream. It was my fault for not saving my work every five
minutes.
I did, however, stare out the window dumbly. What was I doing with
my life, I wondered suddenly. Besides work, what other good comes
out of my waking hours?
What happened to my plans of picking up French again? Or
volunteering as a tutor at the church I attend? Or learning to sail
with my husband? Work fatigue sure is a handy excuse for
sloth.
It had been a long day, the third consecutive one that week. As
self-pity washed over me, a thought came to mind: You could quit
and explore other avenues.
I went to bed hugging the comforting idea that it was not the end
of the world and awoke the next day mollified, the impulsive notion
of hoisting the white flag a wispy memory.
Despite my whingeing, I still get a high from my job.
Then last week, I received a shocking SMS telling me that someone I
knew had killed herself by jumping off her office block at
night.
We still don't know why she did it, but work-related stress has
been one possible reason thrown up.
I wish in vain she had got the message that flashed through my mind
that night: We are not slaves; we have a choice.
For no matter how much women carp about wage gaps and glass
ceilings, we also have an option that few men would dare take up:
Drop out of the rat race, or run a half-marathon with part-time
stints.
I remember feeling a surge of indignation when I learnt recently
that male journalists fairly new to the job were already nipping at
my worn-out heels on the pay ranks.
It wasn't just compensation for their having lost two economically
productive years to national service. A quick spot of Googling
showed the income gap applies worldwide.
In the United States, for instance, figures from the Bureau of
Labor Statistics showed that women earn, on average, about 80 cents
to every dollar that men pocketed.
Life seems unfair, but hey, it cuts both ways.
When things get truly unbearable, women can throw in the towel
without feeling sheepish, especially if they have children to
raise. A devoted mother is beyond reproach. A jobless bachelorette?
She's veering off the beaten track in search of her purpose in
life.
Even the much disparaged tai tai is, I suspect, the object of envy
for many working women. Diamonds are not a girl's best friend,
personal time is - and tai tais have both.
But a guy who tires of the daily grind would likely be branded a
wimp and dismissed as lazy, unambitious and irresponsible.
While interviewing a high-flying woman boss of an MNC two years
ago, I met a rarity in her husband, a stay-home Dad.
An estate management graduate, he had given up his real-estate
consultant job to look after their four girls when it was clear the
family could get by comfortably on her salary.
Far from deeming him a loser, she viewed him as a blessing: 'I have
a home executive who's also a great cook.'
Still, Mr Mum admitted the arrangement left him with a fragile
ego.
'Even now, when we meet people for the first time, they expect me
to have a name card that says investment manager or something,' the
jovial man said.
We have moved way beyond those caveman days when slapping food on
stone slabs was the raison d'etre of men. Still, guys are expected
to cart the bacon home, the feminist movement be damned.
So perhaps there is a good reason their bank accounts are better
fed.
In his book Why Men Earn More (2005), American writer Warren
Farrell argues that the income gap is not so much the result of
discrimination as different work-life choices.
While men's priority is to make more money, women make decisions
that earn them better lives, such as having more family time. They
prize factors like safety, flexibility and proximity to home above
dollars and cents, he says.
These lifestyle perks lead to more people vying for the same jobs,
hence driving wages down.
On the other hand, men's trade-offs include longer working hours
and taking on assignments with higher risks, such as postings to
remote areas.
I suppose the idea is that, generally, men toil because they have
to, while women work because we want to, mainly for financial
independence or a sense of self-worth.
There is more to life than slogging away at a computer in the dead
of the night, hitting 'Ctrl' and 'S' every five minutes.
If I so desire, I could trade a good pay cheque for the freedom to
explore what 'more' really entails, before it's too late.
Can you? 
