it started in primary 3.
we were classmates since the start of the year but i only noticed
him after one math lesson. we were having a friendly inter-group
math quiz and he lost our group the winning point. he was so
distraught by it that he went to the back of the class and started
crying. i was sitted at the back of the class and i saw him. thats
when i started liking him.
i thought it would just be a short crush. i didnt know it just
wouldnt go away. the next year, he shifted and so like me, had to
take the bus and the train to and from school. and everyday, i
would see him on my way to and from school but we never got to
travel together. i was a very shy kid and i never got to talk to
him. of course, this crush was kept in the depths of my
heart.
sometimes during class, i would sneak glances at him from the other
side of the classroom. and whenever i caught his eye, i would jump
in shock and look quickly away. i still remember almost every
instance where i got a chance to interact with him in some small
way or another. i even remember some conversations i had with him
before back in those days.
of course, during the puberty years, i had other crushes on other
guys. the things is, these other crushes would fade away with time
and i would find myself still liking him as before. how should i
describe it? its like hes the one, and the others are just eye
candies. the feeling comes and goes and comes back again but
essentially its still there.
in secondary school, i lost touch with him for 4 years. no sight or
sound of him at all. there were still eye candies now and then but
they came and go. crushes here and there. but at the end of the
day, i realised that i still thought of him and i really really
missed him.
i seriously dont know if it was fate or not but we ended up in the
same jc. sometimes i wished we didnt, because it just made me like
him even more, now that i could see him almost everyday. prolly if
he were in another jc, i would just forget about him altogether. or
at least, i wont be pining for him, the feeling of liking him wont
be so strong. he almost went to another jc, anyway. i find myself
sneaking glances at him in school, conscious of myself. every time
i get to talk to him would be moments i relished.
and he ended up joining the same cca as me. if not for one
different subject, i would have ended up in the same class as him
too.
these feelings of affection has been going on for what, 8 years?
and its still one sided, i highly suspect, since i dont know if he
reciprocates my feelings. its like a big secret, weighing down on
my heart all these years.
the thing is, hes darn cute, many other girls like him too, its
this way since primary school and i know i have no right to fight
for him or even wish of anything that may happen. imjust thankful
that i have at least some chances of seeing him more often, that i
can have a more vivid picture of his face in my mind.
my sis told me its just a habit. that i may not really like him
after all but its just a bad habit that ive become accustomed
to.
i dont know.
this is just a story im sharing with. this is the the story of my
crush, the crush that never went away
