From Marie Claire
If only finding your one true love were easy
as The Fiddler in the Roof made it out to
be. ("Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a
find, catch me a catch.") When it comes to the jungle of modern
dating, so many men and women don't even know where to start.
There's swiping and liking, speed-dating, exclusive parties and
clubs, and an app for every type of single. Yet with so many
options, why do we still complain that dating is more challenging,
competitive, and romantically ADD than ever?
For a little optimistic guidance in
preparation for Valentine's Day, we turned to eight well-known
matchmakers from across the country to help us with the most basic
question: What's your top advice for singles struggling to find
love?
"Be open to multiple options. People should go
on Bumble and other sites as practice. Matchmakers are clearly the
best option, and the vetting is already done. It just takes one,
and you never know where that person will come from." -Janis Spindel, Janis
Spindel Serious Matchmaking
"If you're out of practice with dating, you
might have a tendency to make conditional statements about future
dates like 'I'd like to do this again if you would…" Don't do that.
Just be clear about it and say 'I'd love to see you again. This has
been a lot of fun.' The confidence will be incredibly attractive
and will make it easy for your date to ask you out again."
-Amy
Andersen, Linx
Dating LLC
"I've found the concept of 'soulmates' to be
self-sabotaging for singles. Just get out there and meet new
people! See where those interactions and feelings take you. Keep in
mind what you find or don't find attractive in each date. Finding
your counterpart is an iterative process. Many times, I see folks
end up in happier relationships the more they learn about
themselves and who they are compatible with by staying open,
especially in comparison to people who cling to a fictional ideal
of someone crafted in their minds." -Kenneth Shaw, Tawkify
"Love often happens when you least expect it
to, with someone you might not have imagined to be your match.
Don't let a long list of qualifications prevent you from finding
happiness." -Amy Van
Doran, The
Modern Love Club
"Love will come to you in an unexpected
package-it always does. Become psychotically optimistic that love
WILL come to you-it's a WHEN not an IF. Butterflies are usually a
bad sign early in the relationship. It's your gut telling you that
something is off (fear/anxiety) and that you should bolt. Give guys
that don't have red flags several dates before you toss them back
to the pond-we often see the magic happen after date six! To find
love, you've got to have a dating plan which is fun/doable, and
then take daily steps in that direction." -Bela Gandhi, Smart
Dating Academy
"A powerful piece of advice I encourage male
and female singles of any age to do is build a customized vision
board showcasing your ideal love story. It can be both fun and
rewarding to build your personal romantic manifesto. Start by
including photos, quotes, mementos, and postcards of special
destinations or vacation spots you dream of visiting with your
partner. Continue the creative storytelling through imagery of
romantic couples, even wedding rings and visual tokens of love and
gratitude that speak to your heart. If you focus on your board and
visualize the important characteristics of your future partner,
statistically, the odds of this individual coming into your life
are much greater. It is, after all, based on the Law of
Attraction!" -Amber
Kelleher-Andrews, Kelleher
International
"Saying the words 'I want to be in a loving
relationship' is easy. But what are you
actually doing to find a good relationship? What
is the action you've executed after saying the words? Saying and
then taking the action to make it happen is a whole other ballgame.
We all know the saying: To have a good friend, you have
to be a good friend. Same applies here. To have
love, you must be a loving person. You can't go on these online
dating sites, interact with someone, and then get busy and let the
ball drop. It's these constant flakes, as well as lazy or insincere
types, who wonder why they can't find a relationship. I'll be
impressed when you stop complaining, and actually BE the person you
say you want to find." -Amy
Laurent, Amy
Laurent Matchmaking
"Don't let a long list of
qualifications prevent you from finding happiness."
"Take a step back and look at yourself first. It is so
easy to come up with a list of 'must-haves' that you want in a
significant other, but before you can attract someone who has all
of these qualities, you should make sure you have them yourself.
Are you the type of person that your 'ideal' match would want to
date? If not, don't be embarrassed! Just start working on it. It
will be impossible to find the perfect match until you feel fully
content with yourself." -Nora
Dekeyser, Three
Day Rule
via
yahoo