Recently, I found myself seated next to two Singaporean
guys on a flight from Thailand to Singapore. They were having a
very loud two hour-long conversation, and after trying in vain to
read a book I’d brought I gave up trying to block out their
voices.
Guy A was distraught about the fact that he was unable to
upkeep his materialistic girlfriend. Despite the fact that she had
quit her job and expected him to give her an allowance, he was
determined to keep the relationship going. Guy B shook his head
sadly and agreed that in Singapore, you need money to solve all
your problems. He then helped his friend to think of a speech to
rattle off to his girlfriend in order to placate her.
I’ll admit that this conversation made me lose a little
bit more of my faith in Singapore society. Are relationships here
nothing more than a pragmatic calculation of dollars and cents?
Here are some reasons why it often seems that way.
Singaporeans are relentlessly goal-oriented. Few people
these days do anything without first asking what’s in it for them.
Blame it on a cut-throat education system where students only take
subjects they know they can score in, or the exhausting rat race
people constantly run so they can afford their Chanels and Audis,
and it’s easy to see why there’s simply no time to sit back and
enjoy things for what they are.
The same thing happens in many relationships here. Guy B
cheerfully informed Guy A that his wife had charted out a plan for
them early in the relationship—ballot for a flat, get married by 28
and have the first kid by 30. Her next goal was to become a
housewife by 40.
Our goal-driven mentalities leave little room for the
flexibility to simply experience or feel out a relationship.
Instead, people constantly ask themselves what goals they can
achieve with a potential relationship. I’ve had friends who were
grilled about their desire for childrearing on a first date. If
you’re already going to have a list of boxes to tick, why not just
stipulate a minimum salary for your future spouse, and throw in a
car and condo to go with it?
There are few developed countries in the world where one’s
living situation is so closely tied to when and whom they marry.
Thanks to the rule that only singles aged 35 and above are allowed
to purchase HDB property and the astronomical prices of private
property and rent here, many couples see marriage as the only way
to move out of their parents’ homes.
In addition, couples who have already downpaid or
collected the keys to their property are given
6 months to tie the knot or face a big
monetary loss if they decide to bow out of the relationship. I have
several friends who broke up and lost their deposits. Many others
decide to go ahead with the marriage because they’ve already
invested so much in it financially, even if they are no longer
emotionally invested in their partners.
Despite the fact that Singapore’s female workforce
participation is very high, and there isn’t a terribly huge
discrepancy in wages, we are still by and large a very conservative
society.
Long working hours and a work culture that is generally
family unfriendly makes it increasingly difficult for women to get
ahead in their careers and look after the family at the same time.
It doesn’t help that men are still not pulling their weight in the
child-rearing and housekeeping department.
Conversely, many women still believe that the man should
be earning more than them, and many men reciprocate by being overly
defensive when their earning power is challenged or when faced with
women who earn more than them. Of course not everybody is like
that, but it’s not an uncommon phenomenon.
With outmoded values like the above, it’s no wonder women
continue to look to men as being the providers.
While we’re not as bad as Hong Kong (yet), there’s no
denying that it’s tough surviving in Singapore if you don’t make
much money. With a weak social safety net, those unlucky enough to
fall through the cracks find themselves struggling to feed
themselves and pay their medical bills in old age.
This weak social safety net incentivises people to
marrying for money. It’s easy for people in Scandinavian countries
to marry for love when they know all their needs will be taken care
of in future.
We might not be a third world country where women are left
with no choice but to see marriage as a ticket out of starvation.
But thanks to the feelings of fear and insecurity society here
breeds, we might as well be.
The post Is Love in Singapore Really
All About the Money? appeared first on the MoneySmart blog.
