Sadly i must say this is a result of living in Singapore.
Do something good and they reward you. Do something bad and they
punish you. Children of singapore grow up with the mentality of
doing something for something.
There isn't anything much people would do selflessly for others
anymore. One of the factors here.
Secondly is ranking. Heard of the term BEST FRIEND?
In my opinion, nobody have best friends. No seriously. Nobody have
best friends and this shouldn't be only my own opinion. It has to
be taught to everyone. I do my best to preach.
You see a person can have many friends. By defining someone your
best friends you are putting pressure on that friend(his best
friend is someone else). Or you might be hurting someone whom you
deem as a best friend. You see if a person isn't an enemy, he is
only a neighbour/colleague/classmate. Most people classify these
people as friends. Which is wrong.
If you had a friend under which should belong to that category
instead, you would soon realise that a babe/dood will be the key to
souring your friendships, supposingly the two of you fell for
her/him. In essence, it is no longer a healthy competition. Inside
your heart you are secretly rooting out for yourself and cursing
your 'friend' to be doomed to failure. The essence here isn't
friendship but more like a war.
Another example is if your friend keeps bringing up something to
smear your reputation/make you really really angry but is always
friendly to you. That friend is probably jealous of something you
did or have that he didn't and can never posess. While he/she is
friendly to you, he/she is secretly hoping to bring you down to
his/her level so you two can be truly equal to be friends. The
essence here is jealousy, not friendship.
Finally one last example(Real life example happened to
menames and timeline are changed to protect the identity of
the guy who left me to die). 2 friends who go back a long
way. Around 30 years of friendship. One day FriendA likes this girl
who happened to be FriendB's ex. FriendA have been doing silly
things to get his ex back with him but to no avail. One day they
were at the beach with a group of friends. FriendA had both legs
cramped badly from the waist down and shouted for help. FriendB was
quick to tell everyone that A is acting hoping to attract his ex's
attention. Making sure he is loud enough to let everyone hear this,
including A's ex. A's ex was so disgusted she walked off. Other
friends were convinced and didn't help.
FriendA only made it back alive by transfering every ounce of hate
and anger he had into survival instincts. Thus my signature in this
forum. After that everyone that is a friend to me i regard as
friends. Others i am quick to end my friendship with. People tell
me i am harsh to end a long friendship just like that. I think i
have become wise and do not want to waste time with enemies by my
side.
It doesn't matter how far back the friendship ran. It is the
essence of the friendships that matters. If the essence of
friendship is no longer there, even if we ran 10000 years back, i
can end it right there and then.
It isn't fragile. It isn't being harsh or mean. I am always true to
those whom i treat as my friends. I go out of my way to help them
with what i can. There are something which you can forgive but
sometimes alot of things are not meant to be forgotten and
forgiven. If a friend watch you die without offering help he can do
everything in the world to ask your forgiveness but from that
moment on he can never be your friend again ever. Friendships
should be made after a long time of getting to know the person.
When it turns sour, you have to judge the situation and decide if
you want to salvage the situation.
This isn't about forgiveness. I can only say if your friend leave
you to die and you forgive him just because you two go far back you
are an idiot. It isn't about how long the friendship runs back.
It's about if there is any essence of friendship in there. I can
NOT know anything of a dood i met just 1 week ago but i can trust
him. That is friendship. If a friend is jealous of me and upgrade
himself to compete against me instead of tearing me down by making
rumours or hurting my self esteem that is friendship(takes alot of
experiences to know the wisdom in this). If a friend scolds and
insults me to fire up my anger in the hope that anger is better
then despair, instead of saying oh poor you, let me know if you
need help in anyway when they know they can never help you in any
way. That is friendship.
Wisdom is gained through experiences in life, my dear.
