You have met the man of your dreams and you are deeply in love
with him. To you, he is the one. He has also told you how special
you are to him, but you have this nagging feeling that he doesn't
want to commit to the relationship yet, even though both of you
have been dating for several months now.
So, how do you get your man to commit to the relationship
exclusively without appearing too pushy or demanding? Some guys may
say "not doing anything at all" is the best way to keep him.
However, it may not be fair to you if your guy is dating you and a
few other women at the same time, while he is on the lookout for
his dream girl.
Here are 10 tried and tested tips from women who have "been there"
and are now or have been attached, one way or another, in a
relationship.
1. Don't rush it
Some couples may take less than three months to transform their
casual dating relationship to an exclusive dating and serious one.
Others probably need six months or even longer. Time is not the
factor as it really depends on how ready BOTH of you are.
2. Be a friend first
Don't throw the "commitment" word at your guy during the early
stages of the relationship. It will probably lead to a premature
death of your relationship, if the guy feels you're pushing him
into something he is not ready to commit yet. Be his best friend
first. Let him feel you are always there for him, no matter
what.
3. Talk about it
When you know you're ready for a long-term commitment, let him
know, but tactfully. Don't rush him into it if he is not ready. A
commitment takes two to seal. So if you're ready and he is not,
give him some time. Guys get scared when the girls become too pushy
about cementing a relationship, especially when they are not ready
- which is often the case.
4. Variety is the spice of life
Guys are also wary of committing to something that they think is
going to be monotonous. Many are afraid that they might not be able
to stand being with the same person day in and day out. Do
everything you can, like giving him nice surprises during dating,
to assure him that he is not going to lose that fun, exciting
aspect of the relationship after he commits. Agree to work together
to create an element of fun and variety in the relationship, such
as the sexual aspect.
5. Be happy, with or without him
Like the old saying, "a watched pot never boils", the same is true
of men. Don't make him feel that you can't live a happy and
fulfilling life without him. Instead, let him see that your life
would be just as great and wonderful even if he wasn't part of it.
For example, go on a backpacking holiday alone or with your
girlfriends and share with him how much you have enjoyed the trip.
Men don't want to be solely responsible for your happiness, so
don't make him the source of your happiness.
6. Don't take him for granted
Don't manipulate him or take advantage of his feelings for you by
making him accede to your every whim and fancy. Show him your
appreciation in every little way, like putting a love note in his
briefcase, or sending him an email to say how much you appreciate
him in your life.
7. Give him space
Allow him to hang out occasionally with his friends, without you
tagging along. Guys are afraid of losing their social life once
they get committed to you. They need to know that they still have
room to breathe even after they have committed to a
relationship.
8. Never give the ultimatum
Never, ever, give him an ultimatum on your relationship. The last
thing you want to do is to tell him that if he doesn't commit, you
will break off with him. Chances are, he would rather break off
with you than to be intimidated into committing to the
relationship. Remember this: Men don't like to be threatened.
9. Know when to give up
Be wise. Don't hang onto a relationship if it's not going anywhere.
After you have given him a specific period of time and he still
shows no signs of commitment, ask him honestly if the relationship
is going anywhere. Let him know the commitment is special and
therefore important to you. If he truly loves you, he will
understand. But if he doesn't love you enough to want to give you
the assurance of commitment, you have the choice to move on.
10. Sniff out the commitment-phobic
There are some guys who are really afraid of commitment, whether
it's a relationship or marriage. It's not that they are not ready.
It's just that they are not the marrying kind. No matter how much
time they are given, they will still not commit. They may really
love you, but they most probably love themselves much more and just
don't want to share their lives with someone else. Avoid this
category of men. They are likely to be takers and
heartbreakers.
