HE couldn't understand why his son looked nothing like
him.
He finally became so desperate to find out the truth that he
subjected the boy to a DNA test.
For 14 years, John had nurtured and loved his son. But all that
changed after he took the boy to the Health Sciences Authority's
(HSA) DNA Profiling Lab for a paternity test.
John, a foreigner who is now a Singapore citizen, never suspected
his wife of having an affair.
But he had to know why his son bore no resembalnce to him.
Three weeks after taking him to HSA for a paternity test, the
result was back. John was not the father.
He was devastated.
For John, the hurt was just too much. His marriage is now in
tatters.
And he is only fighting for custody of his younger son - the one
who is his.
The New Paper is not giving his full name to protect his son's
identity.
Five lawyers said they are seeing more cases of women cheating on
their husbands, and more men are now demanding paternity
tests.
Although HSA figures show an increase in the number of paternity
tests they are not all related to divorce proceedings.
John's story is told through court papers filed in the Family
Court.
John and his wife had a son when they were overseas in 1990. They
had another son in 1992 before he came here to work in 1993.
In 1998, he got his Permanent Resident status and brought his
family here.
His sons were 8 and 6 then.
By the time his family arrived, his marriage was already in
trouble, he claimed.
In 2000, when his elder son turned 10, he suddenly realised the
boy's features were very different from his and suspected the boy
was not his.
In his affidavit, he said that even after this observation, he
wanted to believe that his wife was faithful and he kept telling
himself he was wrong.
Four years later, when the doubts persisted, he confronted his wife
who denied being unfaithful.
Not satisfied, he took the boy to the HSA lab where they took their
blood samples for the DNA test.
His wife had not expected him to do that and before the results
were out three weeks later, she admitted her adultery.
The lab result was like a slap in the face. It said: 'EXCLUDED as
the biological father'.
John's lawyer, Ms Gloria James said that John is fighting for
custody for his second son, who must now accept that he now has a
half-brother.
John is no longer living with his wife and their case will be
mentioned in court again on 9 Mar.
Paternity tests up
HSA figures showed more paternity tests have been carried out at
its laboratory, but not all are related to divorce cases.
In 2003, there were 150 cases. In 2004, there were 156 and last
year, 172 cases.
HSA said some paternity tests were to confirm genetic relationships
like in immigration requirements, or in estate matters, especially
when a person is claiming a stake in a piece of property.
People who take such tests do not have to tell HSA their
reasons.
What will this do to kids?
THE truth of learning the child is not yours may be too much to
bear.
But do these parents consider the lasting psychological impact on
the child if he also learns the bitter truth?
Should fathers, in their desperation to know if their wives had
been unfaithful, subject their children to such DNA tests?
John's lawyer, Ms Gloria James, said he was angry about the test
results but did not take it out on his non-biological son or cut
him off.
But the painful thing is that the close feeling of kinship for the
boy had ebbed.
Ms James added: 'But he said that after all these years of loving
him, he can't just cut him off. The boy knows the truth so you can
understand what the kid is going through.'
In some cases, the love for the child can ovecome the hurt, said a
counsellor.
Mr Harry Low, acting director of the Asian Women's Welfare
Association's Family Service Centre, said: 'The man may be
traumatised for a while. But if the bond is strong, the love (he
has for the child) will overcome the shock.
'He will ask himself if he should stop loving the child just
because he is not his, especially after being with the child for
more than 10 years.'
But how the child will take the truth is also important.
Others do this by waiting until the child is older to break the bad
news.
In the case of Alex, his 'son' may also not understand what the
situation means because he could still see the man fulfilling his
fatherly roles, like paying the bills, taking care of his needs and
giving him guidance.
And as for the unfaithful wife, the paternity test exposing her lie
may just be what she needs.
Said Mr Low: 'The woman may feel a sense of relief, especially
after carrying the secret for many years.'
Still, in cases where adultery is cited, lawyers say it is usually
the man who is the guilty one.
But at the same time, they are seeing more cases in which women are
the unfaithful ones.
Last December, The New Paper reported that the number of marital
dissolutions - divorces and annulments - almost tripled in the last
20 years.
According to the Department of Statistics, dissolutions jumped from
2,313 in 1984 to 6,388 in 2004.
Divorce lawyer Belinda Ang who has been handling such cases for 28
years, said there were also more cases of men demanding paternity
tests done on their children.
She said: 'It's usually to avoid paying maintenance and also to
fight the woman's claims, especially if she is demanding many
things.
'But there are men who are reluctant to have such tests done as
they do not want to hurt the child.'
Its amazing this can be hidden for so long, i am puzzled 
