My bike only got stolen nearby, so if I ever see it, I'm gonna
puncture both wheels and kick the chain broken and twist the
handlebars off axis. 
Reason being I have not had the tubes replaced since 1998, the
chain is rusty and creaks when you ride it, I can't even change the
main gears, and the handlebars are so damn loose, I fear it'll just
go crooked everytime I ride it. 