okay i'll start with mine.
Did you hear about the Australian Capt.. and his British FO who
arrived at the pearly gates ? St Peter processed them in and told
them to go to the next room along and pick up their clocks. "Clocks
?" asked the FO - "Yes, you get a nice carriage clock as a souvenir
of your time on Earth" replied St Peter. So they go into the clock
room, and the FO picks up the clock with his name on it, which has
stopped at the time he died. He notices that other clocks are still
going, and the hands on some occasionally jump 15 minutes at a
time. He asks St Peter why, and is told a little known fact, that
when someone masturbates, it actually takes 15 minutes off their
life so the hands of the clock move round accordingly. The Capt. is
having a hard time locating his clock when St. Peter slaps his head
and says "I'm sorry, I should have told you we keep Australian's
clocks in a different room - we find they make excellent ceiling
fans.."
