Can she? 
===============================================
The Electric New Paper :
More expat marriages in trouble
Singapore: Expat temptation island?
DRESSED in a long blue floral dress and leather sandals,
auburn-haired Rachel (not her real name), looks like your typical
expatriate wife.
By Crystal Chan
19 October 2005
DRESSED in a long blue floral dress and leather sandals,
auburn-haired Rachel (not her real name), looks like your typical
expatriate wife.
But is she living a life of leisure, basking in the luxury of her
husband's posting and enjoying perks like free housing, allowances
and travel?
No.
Instead, Rachel, 48, an Australian housewife, looks at her time in
Singapore with bitterness. She has been separated from her husband,
a banker, for two years.
She is among an increasing number of Caucasian women whose
marriages hit the rocks after their husbands were posted to
Singapore.
And she blames their marital woes on a pretty young Singaporean
woman.
Rachel, who has two adult sons from her marriage, said: 'My husband
was good to us until he met a 20-something local woman. I can't
make him want this family, but I believe she must have seduced
him.
'My husband never strayed while we were in Australia, so I was
really shocked when he said he fell in love with a Singaporean
woman and wanted to marry her.'
GREAT PLACE TO LIVE
Rachel intends to return to Australia after finalising her divorce
early next year. She will leave with an unpleasant aftertaste of
life in Singapore.
Yes, Singapore is a great place to live and work for
expatriates.
Last year, in a survey of 215 cities by Mercer Human Resource
Consulting, Singapore tied with Tokyo as the most attractive Asian
city for expatriates.
But Rachel's experience, along with accounts from marriage
counsellors, suggest that the downside is that many expat men are
enticed by local women.
Lawyers, marriage counsellors and officials of expatriate
associations who spoke to The New Paper say that they are seeing
more expatriates with marital problems.
Divorce lawyer Ellen Lee, who has been practising for 24 years,
says she sees an average of 12 expatriate couples every year, a big
jump from the three or four couples she saw annually before
2000.
Expatriate couples can have their marriages dissolved in Singapore
if they have lived here for at least three years.
The most common reason for marital break-ups among expatriates is
infidelity by men.
Said Ms Karen Gosling, an Australian who has been practising family
counselling for 20 years: 'I'm seeing many more cases here than I
ever did in Australia.'
She has been trying to mend marriages here for the past eight
years. Eighty per cent of her clientele are expatriates.
'Many expatriate men are in regional positions requiring frequent
travel. In some parts of Asia, prostitutes are easily available, so
there's a temptation to stray.'
The Pinkerton Syndrome - when Asian women think of Caucasian men as
being superior - is partly to blame.
Ms Lee said: 'Asians, including women, tend to be more submissive
and receptive towards Caucasians, whereas white women are seen as
equal to their male counterparts.
'So here, the white men would welcome it when local women are more
than willing to serve them.'
Miss Sue Lim, a marketing executive who is engaged to a divorced
American, empathises with this.
Miss Lim, who is in her 20s, said: 'Caucasians are definitely more
appealing than local men. They're more gentlemanly, and they're
willing to share household chores too.
'Generally, local men are still chauvinistic and don't know how to
treat women like ladies.'
Was she having an affair with him before his divorce?
No, said Miss Lim. She said they began dating after he separated
from his wife, although they met before his separation.
'I don't think I'm a home-wrecker because I never forced my fiance
to leave his wife and children. He was the one who fell in love
with me.'
At the Singapore American Community Action Council (Sacac), more
expatriates are also seeking marriage counselling at its office in
the American Club.
Ms Margo Passarella, a counsellor at Sacac, sees eight to 10
couples a week, an increase from previous years. But she claims
that it is not only because of male infidelity.
She said: 'Infidelity is not uncommon. Usually, though not
exclusively, it's the men who had the indiscretion. But there are
also many reasons for marital problems.'
LONELY WIVES
There are expatriate wives who cheat on their husbands too.
Ms Gosling said: 'While their expatriate husbands travel, the wives
are left here alone, without anyone to see to their emotional
needs.'
Two of her clients were a British couple. The wife had been having
an affair with a friend of theirs for nearly two years.
A lack of communication was the root of the couple's problems,
which were compounded by the husband's frequent travels and long
working hours.
Despite more expatriate marriages getting into trouble, there is a
silver lining - couples who seek counselling are keen on salvaging
their relationships.
Besides seeking help, the wives, says Ms Gosling, have a lot to
lose if they divorce their husbands.
It takes between six and 12 sessions for these couples to get their
marriages back on track.
She said: 'A marriage involves money, extended family ties and
children. It's very hard to walk away from all that.
'During counselling, I suggest strategies to help my clients
rebuild the trust in the relationship, so that the marriage becomes
better than before.'
When counselling and other avenues fail, some expatriate couples
prefer to return to their home countries for divorce. This is
because divorce laws here are different.
The women, especially, may want to have their divorce finalised in
their homeland if they can get a better deal.
Lawyer Wong Kai Yun said: 'It's more practical for the couple to
divorce in their own country, if most of their assets are
there.
'Certain agreements may also be easier to enforce overseas. For
example, pre-nuptial agreements are acceptable in the West, but
they're outlawed here.'
