Noah 2005 A.D. -- the new dilemma!!!
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
the
United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become
wicked
and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build
another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
good
humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to
build
the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and
40
nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in
his
yard but no ark.
"Noah"! , He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the
Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged
Noah. "But things have changed. I needed
a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about
the
need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've
violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard
and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
for
the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea.
I
argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would
hear
nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting
local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince
the environmentalists that I needed the wood
to save the owls. But
no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal
rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was
too
restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals
in
a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I
have
to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To
make
matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive
me,
Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish
this
Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You
mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it!"
