!~ Joke of the day ~!

alvin-ncs SG

wakakkkakakakakaaakakkakaaakakak.... Laughing

browniebaobao SG

I find Ah Beng jokes lame lah..but some of u here might like them. Mr. Green

Ah Beng's Business Venture

There were 4 Ah Bengs. They decided to start a business. They decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. The 4 Ah Bengs waited that day for the car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for 1 day,2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage. WHY? Because their garage was on the second floor.

After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving. They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers. They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.

After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing their taxi. They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.They decided to rest for a while & started to push again. The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind

browniebaobao SG

Ah Beng Hot Shot

During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad.That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion.

The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng made his escape.Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape.

Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right."Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, that's the key.." Ah Beng kept saying to himself. The soldiers lined up in front of him. The captain started, "Ready...".Timing," Ah Beng thought to himself."Aim..." "Okay!".Thought Ah Beng, and shouted "FIRE!!! FIRE!!"

browniebaobao SG

Beng's Communication

Dear Ah Beng,

Beng ah Beng, I also want to be an Ah Beng. Everyday sit kopi tiam, put leg on chair, smoke and drink. Some more always hang out in shopping centre, got char bor. Most important, no need to study. Can tell me which gang to join? If you tell me, I sure get all my kakis to join.

Recruit

Ah Beng replies...

Dear Recruit,

Nin nao hiah! You think be Ah Beng so easy, ah? Must study one, you know! Got a lot of rules. You think you can anyhow go Queensway and get tattoo, ah? Wait you get the wrong tattoo, and some other gang see you, sure kena hoot upside down! And what, you think so easy grow long last fingernail? Got regulation one, leh! We use it to dig ear... if too long or sharp, can burst your eardrum!

And what, you think we just KLKK around the shopping centre cho boh lan and sian char bor? You think char bor attracted to Ah Bengs, ah? Acherly, they are our accomplices, and we are all there to shoplift or kuah chui (keep a lookout)! You think be Ah Beng is hobby, is it? It's a profession!

My gang is earning so much revenue, ! heard Singapore Technologies also wants to form a GLG (government-linked gang) to come into the market. So join a gang only if you're serious. In fact, join a gang only if your studies are damn tok kong.

We do'wan any old samseng nowsaday, leh! You just want to relac one corner in a kopi tiam, then be a kopi kiah. So once you wake up your idea, you can come down to No. 6969 Geylang Lorong 69 for an interview with us at the Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society. Bring your 'O' Level cert.

Ah Beng

browniebaobao SG

Time Difference

Ah Beng asked a long-distance telephone operator, "Could you tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"

Operator replied, "Just a minute."

Ah Beng said, "Thank you." And he put down the phone.

foga SG

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT END A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION.

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform
sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but
nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian
medicine man.

The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a
white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue
smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful medicine but you can only use it once a
year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as
you wish!"

The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to
continue?"

The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234,
and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another
year."

Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and
puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into
bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123" and suddenly he becomes
more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had
promised.

His wife, who had been facing away from him, turns over and asks, "What
did you say 123 for?"

Now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition........

alvin-ncs SG

Laughing

Patrik SG

Laughing

alvin-ncs SG

sian...i dont have jokes to share... Embarassed

browniebaobao SG

It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails exams when the year has only 365 days.

Typical academic year for a student.

52 Sundays in a year which are rest days.
Balance 313 days.

Summer holidays 50 where weather is too hot & difficult to study
Balance 263 days

8hrs daily sleep means 122 days.
Balance 141 days

1 hr for daily playing (good for health) means15 days.
Balance 126 days.

2hrs daily 1 for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat) means 30 days.
Balance 96 days.

1hr for talking (human is a social animal) means 15 days.
Balance 81 days.

Exam days per year at least 35 days.
Balance46 days

Quarterly, half yearly & festival holidays means 40 days.
Balance 6 days.

For sickness at least 3 days.
Balance 3 days.

Movies & functions at least 2 days.
Balance 1 day.

That 1 day is your birthday.

How can a student pass??

alvin-ncs SG

LOL...NICE 1.... Laughing

alvin-ncs SG

How to do a business... Laughing

Below is a story that teaches how to do business:

Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.
But your attitude should be positive.

alvin-ncs SG

i only have business jokes...

quite funny but true... Rolling Eyes

alvin-ncs SG

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining

marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and
straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door(ofthe car)for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
- That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:
You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?"
- That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband.
That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and
before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
"I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
and she goes with him
-That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say:
I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's
restriction
for entering new markets

foga SG

whoever came up with this is one hell of a guy guy/gal...

but also terribly bad with numbers Mr. Green

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