Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called
to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last
straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my
hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a
brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went
straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you
love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're
cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm
gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
....................................................................................................................................................................
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't
work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair
last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just
like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't
say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years
ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because
the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out. So when I discovered that I had hit the TOTO for
twenty million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for
a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always
wanted.
My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take
care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!
