Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and
that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice
that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal
and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two
minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You
don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the
case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I
are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
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Dear Ex-Wife:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first
thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother
raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When
you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went
to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price
tag was still on it. I prayed that it
was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of
this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when
I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got
home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope
you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with
your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take
care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my
brother
was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free! 
