Is a mean girl in the office beating up on your
self-esteem and confidence? The workplace is full of tales of
mean, moody and bitchy female bosses.
A mean boss can take the enjoyment out of your job. A
bad boss is the number one reason for leaving a job. But wait, do
not pack up your desk yet. Your first response may be to search
for a new job, but your boss may not be so mean after all.
The Bad Female Bosses
The Bully – Unhappy female bosses have different
personality types, and thus underlying motivations. Women who act
like schoolyard bullies should be feared. They are motivated by
money and power, and will step on others to achieve success.
The Psychopath – Psychopaths in the workplace are the
hardest to spot. Psychopath expert Robert Hare calls
them Snakes
in Suits, also the name of his book on the same topic. They are
manipulative and cunning. The psychopath is charming and will
pretend to be your best friend while undermining you and stealing
your job.
The Emotional Boss – If your boss lashes out
unexpectedly at you and is moody, she may have problems expressing
her emotions. She may end up being your most enthusiastic
supporter, cheerleader and career advancer, because she really does
care. Uncontrolled and misunderstood emotions are often underlying
the meanness.
Emotions At Work
The emotions that can sometimes make women more
difficult at work can also make them more compassionate and
empathetic. The first step to developing better relationships with
your female colleagues is understanding why they behave differently
than men in the workplace. Is this scene familiar?
Boss Jane: How are product sales?
Team Member 1: Not bad, up 4% this month.
JaneBoss: We need that new marketing campaign to
boost sales. Is the campaign ready to launch tomorrow?
Team Member 2: We are way behind. We hope to launch
in two weeks.
JaneBoss: TWO WEEKS!!! WE CANNOT AFFORD TO LOSE TWO
WEEKS. PLEASE EXPLAIN HOW COME YOU ARE TWO WEEKS BEHIND. WE HAVE
GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO LAUNCH ON TIME.
Needless to say, you would not want to be the marketing
person who has received this comeuppance. Publicly humiliating an
employee not only brings down his morale and productivity but also
that of the whole team.
The triggers for such an outburst are often different
from what we perceive them to be. JaneBoss reacted out of fear:
Jake is the most creative marketing person I have ever worked with,
but he misses every deadline and it is costing us money. I may have
to let him go.
Women Are Emotionally Expressive
Women are hard-wired to be moodier. Swedish researchers
used brain imaging to monitor differences in emotion responses in
the male and female brains. When shown negative emotional images,
females showed more brain activity. Women were more
emotionally stimulated by negative images and experiences
than men. Thus, the doctors concluded that women are more
emotionally expressive.
Though they may be nicer than men. A week later,
JaneBoss is in a sales meeting with the unit Vice President. Her
boss wants to let Jake go. JaneBoss has prepared a 10-minute
presentation to explain why Jake is the best marketing director
available, if he takes time management courses and meets his
deadlines. BillBoss, on the other hand, the sales director who
regularly goes for drinks with Jake, wants to replace him.
It is always better not to lose one’s cool, but the
more emotionally expressive boss may actually be more empathetic
and considerate.
How to Deal With a Difficult Female Boss
Identify the Triggers – Rather than react, ask what
possible motivations could be behind the outburst.
Understand your boss’ responsibilities – Develop
empathy by understanding what your boss has to deliver to her
superiors, clients and suppliers. What business goals must she
meet? What are her expectations of you?
Ask open-ended questions – These are more likely to
identify the underlying issue triggering the emotions. Rather than
ask, Why
is Jake’s job on the line?, state the facts, Jake
has developed a brilliant marketing campaign. The materials have
not yet been printed.
Avoid responding in an emotional manner – Stay calm.
Take a few deep breaths. Think of your favourite meditation spot
overlooking the lake on a dewy, fresh morning. Then, respond with
open-ended questions.
Trust those who tell you the truth – JaneBoss was
wrong to humiliate her employee, but her sharing her feelings and
thoughts with Jake openly and honestly was correct. It is BillBoss
whom Jake should not trust.
Support the success of your boss and colleagues – By
making your boss’ job easier for her, you will relieve stress and
contribute to the success of the whole team.
Emotions aside, your bitchy boss may end up being one
of your best role models. The opposite of the difficult female boss
is the nice girl who apologizes for being confident and
action-oriented in the office. It is the assertive boss who becomes
the successful entrepreneur.
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