perhaps it is a little too late for me to reply, I can only say
that if you do move out, do expect alot of pain and the unintended
words such as a huge calamity will fall upon you if you leave. I
know because these are the words and 'wishes' that my step father
and father have placed upon me when I moved out. My mother has
passed away due to a double stroke which left her paralysed, and
without a home we can afford in Singapore, my stepfather, brother
and I had to accomodate to living in my grandaunt's place. My
brother is in his 30s and I felt the intrusion of my privacy in
having to share a room with my brother. With my stepfather taking
out his verbal blames on me, eventually I told them I have rented a
place. My own privacy.
See what came about this was that I followed my mother and
heeded her words since young. When she insists I do not work, I
didn't work. I stayed with her at home, devoid of social life
because she does not trust that I would stay in the correct path.
She was too paranoid from watching all those shows about youngsters
taking drugs and partying and drinking and eventually getting
pregnant and it's because of these shows I had unwittingly found
myself avoiding having any malay friends. And until now I still
have problems trying to find a common interest with malay peers. I
can tell you I regretted listening to her when I was still young. I
should have not listen to her when she told me not to work, I
should have not listen to her when she told me to stay by her side
at home. I could have gone out and found work, earn money and the
savings can be used to pay for a better hospital care.
My best advice for you, tell her straight that you have found a
place to live. She will retaliate, she will be upset, she will be
alone and she will be angry. She will think that you are abandoning
her and she might even jinx you and say you would burn in hell. I
can only tell you to be patient and endure all that is thrown at
you, even the curses and condemnations. But if she cannot
understand that you need your space, you just need to make sure she
has cooled down. At least have someone else staying behind while
you move out to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.
The one thing she is most afraid of is being alone and rejected.
After you have left and have your own place to rent or live, you
MUST call her and check on her to make sure she is alright. At
least spend the next 30 days making the extra trip to go to her
place and bring food and drinks, new curtains or utensils to let
her know you did not forget her. Even small talks or silly
questions that you already know you can still ask her over the
phone to let her know that you still NEED her for guidance. This is
my only suggestion if you are someone like me who is socially
awkward, who have trouble trying to show concern expressively
because of being outcasted. I cannot guarantee whether it will work
because I never had the chance to tell my mother this along with
how much I am sorry and how much I missed her.
I hope everything goes well for you
