A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asks, "Johnnie! What is your problem?!"
Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in
the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third grade!"
The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the
principal's office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie
waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to
the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would
give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the
special questions, he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
The teacher agreed. Johnnie was brought into the room. The
principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnnie: "9"
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnnie: "36"
Principal: "What is 9 x9?"
Johnnie: "81"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third
grader should know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The
principal looked at the teacher and told her, "I think Johnnie can
go to the third grade."
The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexual
wisecracks, said to the principal, "Let 'me' ask him some questions
before we make that decision?" The principal and Johnnie both
agreed, and Johnnie had a very sly look on his face.
The teacher began by asking, "What does a cow have 4 of that I have
only 2 of?"
Johnnie: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not
have?"
The principal eyes flew wide open. Before he could stop Johnnie's
expected answer, Johnnie said, "Pockets."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "I
think we should put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I MISSED THE LAST
TWO QUESTIONS MYSELF!"
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Send someone over quickly! The old woman screamed into the phone.
"Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have
to transfer you to the Police Department."
"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer
ladder!"
=====================================================
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy,
I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the
five dollars from.
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five
dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat in the tree."
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just
trying to see your panties?!"
"OOOOhhhh," said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling,
"Mommy, I got ten dollars."
The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars
for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and
laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..."
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, "Wait Mommy.
I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today."
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Laff it up peepz! 
Cheers and warm regards