Jokest Joke of the Jokes

sam0310 SG

One of my fav joke abt women... Cool

Over coffee, Josie told Sally "I ran into Heather this morning; gosh, she's still drop dead gorgeous at this age of 45...so i ran into her again..." Cool

xking SG

LITTLE JOHNNY Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,” and would his mother, “please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” so Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. – first, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse… so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. – ok, now take off my skirt… and he takes off her skirt. now take off my bra… which he does. – and now, Johnny, please take off my panties. and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, “Johnny, PLEASE don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more

[email protected] SG

Laughing

Virrus SG

Lol i love this one.... make me almost wanna burst out laughing in office.

another i also find very funny is the indian one "Vannacum"?

Nice one

weidev SG

Laughing

Superbus SG

Chicago folks heard this on the WBAM FM morning show recently.
The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for Verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the unniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ:"Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ:"Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please.
Contestant:"Brian."
DJ:"Brian, are you married or what?
Brian:"Yes."
DJ:"Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously "Yes I am married."
DJ:"Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian:"Sara"
DJ:"Is Sara at work, Brian?"
rian:"She's gonna kill me."
DJ:"Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
J:"Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian:"She is gonna kill me."
DJ:"Stay with me here Brian! "
Brian:"About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ:"Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ:"Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian:"About 10 minutes."
DJ:"Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian:"Yeah, a trip would be nice."
DJ:"Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"

Brian:Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..."
DJ:"This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian:"Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us
for a couple of weeks..."
DJ:"Uh Huh..."
Brian:"...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ:"Atta boy, Brian."
Brian:"On the kitchen table."
DJ:"Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
Three Minutes of Commercials Follow
DJ:OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?
(touch tones...ringing..)
Clerk:"Kinkos."
DJ:"Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk:"This is she."
DJ:"Sara, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I have been speaking with Brian for a couple hours now."
Sara: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ:"Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooo do you know the rules of Mate Match'?"
Sara:"No"
DJ:"Good"
Brian: (laughing)
Sara: (laughing)"Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."
DJ:"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets to the Magics game.The whole deal. Get it Sara?"
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ:"Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara:"Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ:"What time?"
Sara:"Around 8 this morning."
DJ:"Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara:"12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ:"Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one last question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
Sara: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ:" Where did you have it?"
Sara:"OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian:"Just tell him, honey."
DJ:"What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara:"Well..."
DJ:"Come on Sara.....where did you have it?"
Sara:"In the ass...."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break"

Laughing Mr. Green

Cheers and warm regards

[email protected] SG

WAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!
Laughing

Superbus SG

The following jokes contains sexually explicit contents. Please read at your own risk.

1. A man marries a deaf girl.
He mimes: "Let's make a code: if I want sex, I will squeeze your breast.
In response, you can pull my penis once for Yes, and 50 times for No"

2. John asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with Granny?"
Grandpa says: "Yes, but only Oral".
John asks: "what is oral?"
Grandpa: "I say F*ck you, and she says:F*ck you too"

3. The 3 tragedies in a man's life:
1- life sucks
2- job sucks
3- Wife does NOT!

4. A man is dying of cancer. His son: "Dad why you keep telling people you're dying of AIDS??". Answer: "So that when I die,no one will dare to marry your mother."

5. "I am your Doctor. sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem.
Your brain is in 2 parts... Left and right.
The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it"

6. YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.
TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the park!

7. Question: "Why is a waist called a waist?"
Answer: "Because, anything above the pussy and below the tits is a waste"

8. A lady tells her Man: "I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table".
The man climbs into bed slowly and says: "Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?"

9. Question: "What's the similarity between a good-looking, faithful, rich husband who satisfies his wife sexually every night and Bin Laden?"
"BOTH CANNOT BE FOUND"

10. Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage as they finally realised with wisdom that for 60 grams of sausage, it is not worth buying the whole pig.

Cheers and warm regards

weidev SG

Laughing

Superbus SG

The following joke contains sexually explicit terms. Readers discretion is advised.

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There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A girl came along
and pointed to his penis and asked, "What is that?"

He replied, "It's my bird!"

She ran away to play in the sand cheerfully. The man fell
asleep.

Later he woke up in hospital with pain around his groin. He did not know what had gone wrong. He thought back maybe the girl might know, so once he was out of the hospital he asked her.

She replied, "I played with the bird and it spat at me so I cracked its neck, broke its eggs, and burnt its nest."

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Laff it up peepz! Mr. Green

AdAptAliS SG

A man was in a cemetery when he hear some noise coming from one particular tomb. He was curious and so he approached the tomb. It was Mozart's tomb and the noise was coming from under ground.

The man, being a music lover, wanted to see how Mozart looked like, decided to dig and open the coffin. When he did so, he was surprised to see Mozart using a eraser rubbing away notes on some scores.

Man: What are you doing?
Mozart: What do you think? I'm decomposing, of course.

Johnny.English SG

At the weddings, old aunts used to tease me saying “you are next, you are next”. But they stopped since i started telling them the same at the funerals.

toothie SG

A 95 year old man sucks his 90 year old wife's breast for half and
hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.

POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE !!

toothie SG

Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside.
His finger went to tease wife's pussy.

Wife start to strip herself and ask asks, "you want sex"?
Husband answer "No, I just want to wet my finger to turn the page"

toothie SG

Rooster and cat going over bridge.
Cat slips & falls into river.
Rooster can't stop laughing.
The moral of the story?

Whenever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

RaTtY81 SG

3 boy named Shut up, Trouble, Manners went for a camping trip in a forest. After a while they could not find Trouble and so they went to the police.

" Wants ur name son?" The policeman asked.
" Shut up." The boy repiled.
" Wheres ur manners? The policeman asked irritated by the boy's reply.
" Sitting outside the police post." Shut up replied.
" R u looking for Trouble!!!"The policeman angrily said.
" Yes how do u noe?" Shut up replied.

Ops abit og edit....

foga SG

you mean trouble didn't you?

[email protected] SG

wah this one damn old liao!
last heard it.... 12 years ago.

RaTtY81 SG

yup i read it on one of the black bookworm books during my pri days.

SGpork SG

hahahaha Laughing

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