Okay I am a new user.
I know topics like these have
been said and mentioned a zillion times, but I have so much pain I
need to let out, and wonder if doing it anonymously can relieve
some of the stress. Perhaps someone else have gone through
something similar, and can share my pain?
I never had good impression of
PRC women. I had two good friends, who ended up divorcing their
husbands because of PRC woman. They are not bad wives, maybe just
the usual 贤妻良母 who spent their entire married lives dedicating to
their spouses, mother in laws and of course the kids.
Another friend of mine almost
divorced because of PRC woman too, but she was willing to give her
hubby a chance for the sake of her boys. And the last time I heard,
the PRC was still attempting to call and message her hubby even
though he had already made it clear to her that he still want his
wife and kids.
I didnt and had never thought
such thing will happen to me. But it did. The only consolation is,
I was only almost married.
I have been dating the same
guy for almost a decade. He was a divorcee with a beautiful
daughter, whom I love and I adore.
He was once one of the most
perfect boyfriends in the world, who loved me, doted on me, and was
the reason why I so faithfully stood by his side all those years,
taking care of his mom, his girl, while he fighted for a new
career.
After being through so much up
and downs, thick and thin, poverty and stuff, he made it, and had a
relatively successful small business. And then things
changed.
His job required him to
entertain his subcons, his clients. He was earning more than he
ever had. The now and then drinking session becomes frequent. He
began picking on my faults, and eventually he didn't even come
home.
And I was indirectly chased
out from his place, after almost ten years.
And yes, he was cheating. With
a PRC woman he met in a stupid lup sup pub.
Barely two months after I
left, he came running back to me. Apologise, telling me how he is
full of regrets, etc etc. I had loved this man for ten years, how
can I possibly not soften my heart.
And just as I thought we will
survive this and become stronger than ever, that PRC claimed she is
pregnant, and demanded responsibility.
Well we dragged for a while,
and broke up god good. That woman probably thought she won again.
The first time I was gone, he had never brought that woman home.
And now, she had officially moved into his place and became the
mistress of the house.
It has been three months plus.
I still cry myself to sleep every night. Apparently things have not
been easy for that heartless idiot.
I think it is true that China
women are selfish, manupulative and wicked. He still tells me what
a fool he has been, and how he regretted hurting a woman like
me.
I heard from his family that
woman flares at him on a frequent basis, is not nice to his mom,
bullies his girl( I ached) sometimes. They do worry about how she
will treat his daughter once she has her own. Though she is very
much pregnant now, he is still trying to delay marriage. He now
realised this woman can never compare to me, and will never love
his familyl the way I did.
But the woman will never let him off. :)
Shouldn't he have realised it
a long time ago?
I couldn't get it. May never
get it. Those PRC women have a reputation not for nothing. Why do
Singaporean men still fall for it, only to regret later?
Local girls are not
materialistic. In fact they are very simple women, who just want to
build a simple happy family of their own. Yes I do enjoy buying
designer goods, but I was a faithful caring woman who knows how to
love a man and love his family.
And all that I did I ended up
with nothing but pain.
In my early 30s now, I don't
even know if I am able to start all over again.
Why? Anybody knows
why?
(Pardon my essay. I just wanna
let it out, even if nobody wants to know).
Being
subjected to our partner's infidelity is probably one of life's
most painful experiences; but like all poignant experience, it can
also bring about tremendous growth and learning.
You probably learnt that you are not perfect, but at least you
are faithful. Yet paradoxically, loyalty alone is insufficient to
keep a relationship going. At this juncture, though there is little
point in crying over spilled milk, keeping tabs on some important
lessons might be useful for future references.
Quite fortunately, you are not married. Though your emotional
recovery is no less easy, but your bounce back is likely to be
faster. Notably, there is always higher risk in the extreme
dichotomy; the ones that ring wedding bells way too fast and the
drudging ones that carried on BGR endlessly.
Length in relationship matters
little, since the value of relationship lies not in normative age,
but by the quality of the love. Quality of love is a subjective
mutual experience between the couple - all other 'ethical duties'
of being a good step-mother, daughter-in-law, etc., are but
components of this positive experience.
Hence, when we learn to stop loving each other in an intimate
genuine way; genetic mutation of love starts.
You see, he might like the way you take care of his family, but
that does not automatically translate into romantic love. In fact,
the original love could just transmogrify into kinship absolutely
and ironically, he starts looking for 'love'. Sometimes, when we
develop the other roles way too profound, it subconsciously consume
our primarily purpose in love and we kind of 'forget' that we
actually still have a love relationship with our partner.
A good relationship generally still requires that nurturing,
that extra effort, the spontaneous couple plans, the genuine
communication, the conflict negotiation, the positive affirmation,
the empathy, the understanding and all the forgotten goodness that
made it possible in the first place.
A good wife/gf is meaningless if being good is taken out of
context from the positive relationship between the couple - for
there is a difference between playing a good role and being a good
partner. What you have shared is largely the former, which my sense
is that it could have overshadowed the latter.
My heart goes out to you; you are injured but not permanently
incapacitated. Do not let this experience maim you, but strive with
determination to grow from this episode and be a stronger, wiser
woman. 
Cheers
