Ok this is going to be a very long post... actually i did reveal
a little in another thread. But i guess it would be more
appropriate to start a topic here.
This entire issue start way back, about 7-8years ago... happened
when i was in jc 1 which din involved me during that time.
Back then, my dad owed some bank loans of which im unsure of the
amount. However, the situation was such that the bank had informed
my dad that he would need to pay a lump sum of 1k to the bank or if
not they would come and remove my assets. The amount of 1k was not
revealed to us by the bank, but only revealed to us by my dad. By
us, i mean me and my siblings. During that time, my bro had just
graduated from Uni and has yet to find a job and my sis had just
started her poly work attachment. My dad forcefully borrowed $800
from my sis and told her that he and mum would come out with the
$200 and that would be able to save the furnitures from being moved
away. However, on the day itself, me and sis came back home only to
realise that all the furniture was gone. I was not in the knowing
then and got to know a large part of the story only recently when i
went into army and started working when i ORD.
After that incident, there were recent quarrels within my
family, mainly b/w dad and sis. He did not reveal how he could not
come out with the $200 and where and what did he used my dad's $800
on. Furthermore, throughout these years, he had not brought back a
single cent home. My mum and sis who was working, had to support
the whole family, my allowance, my bro's allowance and my dad's
allowance with all other family expenses. I only went self
sufficient the moment i went in army. During these years, dad had
continually borrowed money from my mum and sis and even forcefully
borrowed money from them so that he could go overseas(china cheng
du) with his friends during CNY. Reason being, his friends will pay
for the flight tickets and he have already agreed and committed to
them. He also borrowed money from mum and sis in the name of trying
to set up business and then buying goods, which for so many years,
we haven't seen any of the goods at all. Also, he went to the
extent to ask my sis, to borrow money from her bf for him when my
sis told him that she had no money. Because of such a issue, my sis
lost 3 relationships all because they could not accept my family,
my dad.
Recently, my dad received a letter from a certain bank that
because he has defaulted payment, the entire account has been
transferred over to a legalised money lending company and we would
need a entire sum of 15k to pay it off, or there would be court
proceedings and we would have to pay a sum of about 20k. If we fail
to pay, is saying good bye to the assets again which over the
years, me and my siblings have worked to buy back things like sofa,
fridge and washing machine.
After much discussion without my dad being around as he was
"working", my bro decided that we should pay while me and my sis
felt that we should only pay if he comes clean with all the loans
he had incurred throughout the years, why he had taken those loans
and where he had used them on. We decided that since there are 5 of
us, we should share the burden equally in that everyone pays 3k to
come up with the 15k and since we cant come out with all the cash
instantly, we intended to borrow some from our relatives and then
return to them. After the discussion, my mum called the relatives
to tried to borrow the money and then my dad got angry and shouted
at her. Telling her not to call the relatives and scolding my mum
for protecting us. The reason for not calling the relatives was
that "how will they look at us" It was then that i couldn't control
anymore and quarrelled with him and shouted at him for i felt that
it was unjustified for him to scold my mum, a women who spent her
life working to support a hb who brought back nothing but debts. My
dad then eventually threaten to sell the house and told us that he
would take his share and just go off with it and tell my mum that
she would stay with us(her 3 children) and he doesn't want her
anymore.
We then asked him to repay the debt and share the debt with us
in which he does not want to return and does not want to claim any
responsibility for it. He claimed that as a father when we need the
money, he doesnt question how we use his money and so when he needs
the money, we should not question how come he needs and how and
where he uses it. Eventually, he insist that we do not borrow for
relatives but instead we should go and take personal loans to
return that 15k claiming that personal loan with an installment of
$100-$200 per mth shld be affordable for us. That way, we can repay
the debt and he wouldn't have to pay a single cent. The children
pays for him.
Hearing that, i was disheartened. Eventually the decision is to
repay off the debt and i came out with my own "life savings" of 4k
to repay it. Mayb to many forummers here, 4k is a small amount, but
for me, it is a big amount. i take home less than a 1.5k, i self
fund my own university fees, i have a gf, i pay my own bills and i
need to be self sufficient. This 4k is a scrimpt and save for many
years that i manage to salvage the 4k. It was meant to be a start
off as a marriage fund for me and my gf. I cried so hard that day
when i was to make such a decision to use it to repay the debt.
That money, meant tears, sweat and blood for me. It meant my
commitment to my gf, a commitment probe that i was serious into
looking for a marriage. In a instant, i went penniless, in an
instant, it felt like a dream/bubble burst infront of me.
What followed was a phone call to my gf, cried hard over the
phone to tell her what had happen and that i need to and am going
to use the money. What followed was me telling her to look for
someone else. Someone who could provide her better financial
security, someone who would give her a better chance of a future,
someone who is not so penniless. But im glad, glad that she stayed
and supports me but i feel so.... indebted to her... every girl,
would run upon knowing i've such a family, but yet she choose to
stay, for me.
After trying all ways and means to get the money, we finally pay
off the debt. But there was not a tinge of appreciation from my
dad, the one who created the debt. He still shows his attitude
around, and takes it for granted that we pays for him. That
feeling, is as though we not a family, or at least i dont feel i
have one now. I've personally longed for a heart warming family,
what has happened, tore it apart.
I started spending more time with my gf and her family, i feel
more at ease, more relax, more warmth over there. But im quite
lost, lost at what to do... helping him this time, would not ensure
there's no next time. If it happens every year, once every few
years, how many 4k 5k 6k would each of my siblings have to pay? how
am i going to plan for a future with my girl, this girl who stood
by my side when im having my darkest moment now?
Restarting is pain, many have told me to move out, get myself
stablised and self sustain myself. Only then will i come back
stronger, where in the event i wish to take care of my mum, i would
be more able to do so... as my mum currently, has not entertained a
thought to divorce my dad, has been play sympathy cards to make us
accept dad and to forgive him. I felt as if my future has been
reaped to pieces, i dont want to keep picking up the pieces time
and again, neither do i want, this girl, to suffer with me again
and again.
Many thanks for reading this long post, advises much
appreciated.
Apologies jojo if my issue caused you a heated argument with
oldbread.