Being outspoken and making appeal to MOE about bullies is
normal. In fact you are living your dream as an activist.
However, throwing paper balls and splurting water at your
teachers is a big no no. Showing middle finger at your teacher is a
serious offence. You are actually disturbing the class. In
Malaysia, I would have been whacked. I remember when I was a
schoolkid, I was caught sitting on the railing. For that, the
discplinary teacher called me in, he was a big guy, his hand was as
big as my head and I was only 9 then. He gave me a big tight slap
and I flew half way the room. But those days are over, I recall
during my time, discplinary teachers used to cane us like hell. But
since we students spoke up, complain to PTA, even got the press to
publish about the negative effects of public canning, the schools
then stopped canning us.
Anyway, I think you do have a problem. Its more of a displinary
problem. U were damn lucky you didn't get expelled. No wonder
you were calling your teachers - bullies. They are focusing
on you because you reacted very negatively. I can
understand that you wrote letter to MOE but doing those actions
really make your case to MOE the more bad because as you
already said, you are the instigator. You cannot throw things at
your teachers. If I did that to my boss at work, I would be
sacked.
But no you are not crazy. I think you have bad displinary
problem and your EQ is very low. What you need to do is to focus on
your emotional intelligence.
Tell your principal that you need to see the psychologist to
improve your EQ but you do not want to be labelled as crazy because
psychologist got the tendency to do that.
Your problem is that you react to things too impulsively. You
need to find out how to react to things more calmly so that people
would see a good light or perception of you.
Is there light at end of tunnel? Likely. But you got a lot of
hard work ahead of you.
You need to confront your problems. Suicide is the
coward's way. Don't worry, there have been many people who faced
down but managed to get back to their lifes. Just look at the
actress Drew Barrymore. When she was young, she had alcohol
problems, suicidal tendencies. She bared her breasts in the David
letterman show. Everyone thought her life was spiralling down.
Nobody in hollywood wanted to hire her. And then she decided to
clean up her act, give up alcohol. Today, she produced big budget
movies like Charlie's angel. She even directed a movie. And she is
pregnant and recently married. She even achieve A-list star status
in Hollywood.
You can do it. Just tell yourself this. You want to improve. Not
for the sake of the teacher or the principal but for yourself. Not
sure if you are close to your parents. But if you care for them,
you should also strive to do better in life. Rather than give up -
that is so cowardly. Do not speak of suicide - its only for stupid
people with cow sense.
