problem with daughter

Truthabtemily SG

i would not, as a parent, take things lying down.

most will do, for fear of airing dirty linen in public

but if it's dirty, we need to air it hoping that it will not be so

but as a mother, i have had enough and i need to air it

it used to be " daughter ignore parent after graduation"

it has been a year

and despite her father telling her to come clean to apologise

she never did

dangerboi SG

mancha SG

You can't air dirty linen when it is folded.

A mistake is a mistake. An sincere apology is acknowledging that mistake, and not to commit it again. A young person have not learn that yet. But as long as the mistake is realised, there is not need for an apology. But if the mistake is not acknowledge, an apology is of no use.

Does your daughter realise the wrong, if yes, forgive and forget. Forget about the apology.

Coerced apology serves only to humilate the wrong doer.

P.S Oh! its Fireice that did the folding.

Truthabtemily SG

this is the problem. the younger set do not know what is apology. they do not seem to realise that such sincere and forthcoming words can still solve even the most difficult problems. you can read truthabtemily blogspot com

her mother is undergoing therapy for the episodes for how emily has treated her

her mother is airing her thoughts on it and telling herself....this was me....this is me now.

SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT OUR HUMAN FAILINGS

BUT WE ALL HAVE THEM

HER MOTHER WAS CAUGHT IN A CRUNCH AND BECAME A SCAPE GOAT

BUT EMILY PUT ALL HER FAILINGS INTO A CLOSET AND DARED NOT BRING IT OUT TO PUT IT RIGHT.

HER MOTHER HAD BEEN A MIRROR TO EMILY

TELLING AND ADVISING HER

BUT EMILY, INSTEAD OF CHANGING HERSELF,

HAD DECIDED TO CHANGE THE MIRROR TO SOLVE IT

EMILY HATES HER MOTHER BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO HER MOTHER IN MANDARIN.

EMILY LOOKS DOWN ON HER MOTHER.

SO THAT'S WHY SHE HAD NEVER WANT TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER MENSTRAL CYCLE EVERY MONTH.

SHE EXPECTS HER MOTHER TO DO IT, CLEANING UP ALL THE BLOOD IN THE TOILET AND ON THE WASH BASIN.

mancha SG

"HER MOTHER HAD BEEN A MIRROR OF EMILY "

Emily is growing up, a teenager. neither here nor there. Not a child, not an adult yet.

Don't want to be a dependent, yet cannot be independent.

She hates how she is looked upon as. She wants to be her own person. And resents being linked to the mother.

Its time for the mother to let go, and let Emily be her own person. Let Emily fly, but be there to support her.

There are things a teenager can't explain. They just feel, and react, and can't put it into words. Parents want openess, to talk like an adult, but they just can't, because they don't know how.

Yes, she wants to break the mirror, smash it, she hates it.

She is growing up into her own person.

troublemaker2005 SG

hand her to me. i am good at taming people's dotters.

Truthabtemily SG

She is not a teenager. She is 24 years old. Working at DSTA.

She can be found at www emmavalentino com

She had once ask for help on Yahoo for help to enstrangle from parents.

If she wants to do it, just RETURN OUR GENES TO US.

Yes, as a mother I wished she was dead.

I have suffered so much for her. Now I am having therapy for anxiety and fear of her.

Can you blame me. I would be glad to let her dead body rot to see what kind of person she is.

Sky_Blue223 SG

1) What did she do wrong to apologise for?

2) Have you considered her feelings?

3) Have you reconsidered your current approach?

4) What is the current situation?

I tried reading this thread thrice but failed to grasp the essence of it. And as an outsider, I dare not post lightly in family issues.

mancha SG

OK.

24yo, still the same, she is angry as hell about being a clone of you. She is not. She hates it as hell. Why? It is just so, thats all. It the feeling that get aroused in her. I don't think she will be able to pin down the problem and tell it to you.

Let her go. The more you try, the more will she resent you.

And it as gone very wrong. Back off.

She is your child, your responsibility is to see that she grow up able to look after herself. You have done that. Let it be without obligations on her part to pay back.

You should have been magnanimous long ago, still not too late now.

Sandy17sandy17 SG

Pls dont be so harsh on her. She is your daughter afterall.
Give her sometime to realise her mistakes. What you are doing now would not hhelp the situation. It might even worsen the relationship. Forgive her.

jojobeach SG

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Summer hill SG

is this some sort of movie plot?even have a blog delicated to this "problem"

jojobeach SG

She is not a teenager. She is 24 years old. Working at DSTA.

She can be found at www emmavalentino com

She had once ask for help on Yahoo for help to enstrangle from parents.

If she wants to do it, just RETURN OUR GENES TO US.

Yes, as a mother I wished she was dead.

I have suffered so much for her. Now I am having therapy for anxiety and fear of her.

Can you blame me. I would be glad to let her dead body rot to see what kind of person she is.

You are a selfish mother. No wonder your child hates you.

All u do is punish and shame, u have no idea how to build love with your child.

A child will give a selfish parent unconditional love only because he/she knows no better.

U wish she was dead, but there r times, she wished she was not borned to a woman like you.

Get a grip of yourself, or u will lose your own child forever.

Reading through both your blog and her website.

It is indeed sad that because of your personal ambition, you have suppressed your own child's aspiration. Even sadder, u have set out to destroy her life, simply because she refused to live the life YOU want her to live...

You cannot set yourself free from your regrets of unfulfilled dreams, by imprisoning her in her regrets.

Do not think that your self imposed servitude in the past will automatically garner her respect and love.When u give with condition, u will almost always be disappointed by the gratification.

I feel sorry for you. For u have lost a life time chance to enjoy a loving relationship with your own child. That is the biggest lost to any mother.

A happy parent is one who lives vicariously through the happiness of their own children. Through their sadness, the pain is magnified 10 folds.

U r not one who lives a happy life. One cannot give , what one does not have.

TehJarVu SG

fifi's mummy ah?

Summer hill SG

monster parents she have. oh how i pity her.

emma, i am here for you. you have horrible parents who shamed you online, but you will gather fans/supporters as well.

^Acid^ aka s|aO^eH~ SG

URL ah URL linked out...

so00oo much effort to make an account, make 2 website...

^Acid^ aka s|aO^eH~ SG

failed defamation thread...

Summer hill SG

1)this is the problem. the younger set do not know what is apology.

2)they do not seem to realise that such sincere and forthcoming words can still solve even the most difficult problems.

3)you can read truthabtemily blogspot sg

4)her mother is undergoing therapy for the episodes for how emily has treated her

5)her mother is airing her thoughts on it and telling herself....this was me....this is me now.

6)SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT OUR HUMAN FAILINGS

BUT WE ALL HAVE THEM

HER MOTHER WAS CAUGHT IN A CRUNCH AND BECAME A SCAPE GOAT

7)BUT EMILY PUT ALL HER FAILINGS INTO A CLOSET AND DARED NOT BRING IT OUT TO PUT IT RIGHT.

8)HER MOTHER HAD BEEN A MIRROR TO EMILY

TELLING AND ADVISING HER

BUT EMILY, INSTEAD OF CHANGING HERSELF,

HAD DECIDED TO CHANGE THE MIRROR TO SOLVE IT

9)EMILY HATES HER MOTHER BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO HER MOTHER IN MANDARIN.

10)EMILY LOOKS DOWN ON HER MOTHER.

SO THAT'S WHY SHE HAD NEVER WANT TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER MENSTRAL CYCLE EVERY MONTH.

SHE EXPECTS HER MOTHER TO DO IT, CLEANING UP ALL THE BLOOD IN THE TOILET AND ON THE WASH BASIN.

Sorry to say this but your post kinda make me lost some brain cells.

1)this is the problem. the younger set do not know what is apology.

huh? who is the "younger set"?

2)they do not seem to realise that such sincere and forthcoming words can still solve even the most difficult problems.

HDB minister say sorry for rocket-high can solve problem meh?

3)you can read truthabtemily blogspot sg

Wow, what kind of parents are you?? You even blogged about [email protected]

4)her mother is undergoing therapy for the episodes for how emily has treated her

Huh??? what kind of therapy?? So, she lived her dreams and you kenna depression?

5)her mother is airing her thoughts on it and telling herself....this was me....this is me now.

welcome to sgforums.BUT this is not a shaming site.

6)SOMETIMES IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT OUR HUMAN FAILINGS

BUT WE ALL HAVE THEM

HER MOTHER WAS CAUGHT IN A CRUNCH AND BECAME A SCAPE GOAT

Which is you? Can you be specific? What happen?

7)BUT EMILY PUT ALL HER FAILINGS INTO A CLOSET AND DARED NOT BRING IT OUT TO PUT IT RIGHT.

Her failure to be "a clone of you"? There's no failures, only learning expreiences. Maybe she learned that she should be like you!!

8)HER MOTHER HAD BEEN A MIRROR TO EMILY

TELLING AND ADVISING HER

BUT EMILY, INSTEAD OF CHANGING HERSELF,

HAD DECIDED TO CHANGE THE MIRROR TO SOLVE IT

Hey!! How can you make your child do your dreams??? You should be supporting her dreams!!

10)EMILY LOOKS DOWN ON HER MOTHER.

SO THAT'S WHY SHE HAD NEVER WANT TO CLEAN UP AFTER HER MENSTRAL CYCLE EVERY MONTH.

SHE EXPECTS HER MOTHER TO DO IT, CLEANING UP ALL THE BLOOD IN THE TOILET AND ON THE WASH BASIN.

This makes no sense.

Summer hill SG

"now that she is what she is, a graduate with honours, she still has to be grateful that we did not allow her to go to polytechic or NAFA"

what kind of mother are you?