older sister borrowed money never repay

starz119 SG

If she knows the time I'll be at gatherings, she will avoid coming at that time. CNY is the same. I think she get info from my mother what time I am there things like that. Even my own mother defends my sis, sad...I observe that my mother doesn't tell my bro and older sis off for wrong things they do but me and younger sis are at receiving end.

starz119 SG

To Casey1215: I did visit my father once with my hubby n kids even though my dad used to treat them as transparent. But forgiveness wasn't on my mind when I saw him after such a long period of time. I am just numb when it comes to my dad. I am more focused on the medical bills cos' forgiving really cannot solve the $ problem. It is not a priority for me. I find peace and freedom when I am with my kids, hubby and some genuine friends who care abt me. It's like living in another world, a wonderful one.

To MasterMoogle even though u r not going to post here again but in case u read this, I did suggest to my mother abt using my CPF but after discharge, dad needs to go for follow up consultations, medication etc and she said these need to be paid in cash. Abt seeing MP, perhaps.Thanks for your idea.

DailyFreeGames.com SG

LOL... MasterMoogle pwn Cassey1215... see, it's not so easy to forgive because it never happened on you... once it did, small thing online you also curse and swear at other strangers... not to mention if it's your family member... but now you understand, it's easy to say forgive but when happen to you, then it's different ler...

winsomeea SG

韩飞官 SG

u just open out the problem to everyone during gathering. this will make her embarrass and she confirm will return u the money after that. she wan face so she will return

jojobeach SG

It seems your mother is targeting you for money.

What about your brother ? Is he contributing at all ?

Since you are not working, it is quite strange your mother keeps bothering you with money.

Is it because your husband is well to do ? Is your mother going after your husband's money ? Has she directly asked money from your husband before ?

Does your mother knows about that 8K you loaned to your older sis ?

jojobeach SG

Not as shit as urs or hitman.

It is the best idea in the world.

Nope, I pulled that out from yer ass. The one you conceited wif the ridiculous mastermoogle.

Yes, that is teh advice u shld give yerself. GROW UP beach (that is yer name rite). Also, please GROW LESS ass because your ass is too big. Too many rubbish coming out from there.

U sound like somebody who share the same experiences. Maybe u were abused, no wonder so much bitterness.

My guess is you are one of them Xiao Di Di with not a whole lot of experience in life to spout so much naivity.

My guess is that you are also one of those who leach off richer family members yet is able to justify every cent you take from them, yes ?

No I was not abused. But I have plenty of "relatives" who stick their hands out at me demanding I be generous with them, simply because I live in a nicer house with a bigger backyard.

They invite me to their party so that I may pay their bills. When I invite them on a trip, they assume I am paying for their flight tickets and travelling expenses. Perhaps it's better to be poor ( relatively speaking)

Anyway, given your immaturity and "poor" thinking , I doubt you will ever understand how that's like to be constantly taken advantage of.

starz119 SG

Hi jojo beach, yes it seems my mother is targeting my hubby cos' my hubby earns more than my brother. My younger sis is also targetted cos' she is married but no kids and she's working. My older sis no need to contribute cos' my mother always says she 's broke. I have been a stay at home mom since my firstborn and throughtout the years, every wedding,funeral of distant relatives, I am asked to pay more. She will use the same speech,' you all pay more cos' u all can afford it" My brother and me are not on good terms as expected after years of abuse. I dunno if he contributes and the amount he pays. But younger sis and me have to pay same amount even though our domestic situation is different.

starz119 SG

My hubby is not rich but he works hard for his money. He is thrifty not stingy. When we were dating he would buy me gifts and if older sis happen to know abt it, she will ask the price. If she thinks it's expensive, she will tell everyone my hubby must be rich etc. Sometimes going on a trip to nearby countries are also seem as very rich. To the extent when I receive wedding & birthday gifts from hubby, I feel guilty for having it. See the effect it can have on you. Nowadays, I even ask hubby don't buy presents for all these special ocassions, if buy buy for our kids. My mother knows the 8k I loaned to older sis. Everyone knows but nobody go tell them off. They just treat it like it's an OK thing for my brother-in-law to loan money and not return and worse of all, never call or come tell us and others they loaned from that sorry they cann't pay more. They have the cheeks to attend CNY and don't feel embarrassed in front of relatives.I already want to give up on my family. You know jojobeach that day my mother called again and asked me for money for medical bills, I finally told her don't call me up for $ again. I told her my hubby is not going to contribute a single cent this time.I am unedr so much stress these few weeks. I can't sleep cos' everytime when I close my esyes, images of my family keeps creeping into my head.

[imdestinyz] SG

Your family has got a very warped aka crap idea of kinship and money... i believe your sis actually has a better place in their heart and condone all of her actions especially to you. It certainly would not feel well in your position. I think if you are feeling so much stress now, you probably should get your husband to make your family(meaning u and your husband) stand clear to your own family. No means No... ultimately you are a married out lady... use those traditional morale thing to talk to them i guess. Aint married not sure what i can offer you. But probably you hubby can come out to ease some of ur burden. Some parents and siblings are jus pure nonsense.

As for cassey, nth against you but yes forgiveness is correct, but it is not applicable on every case and scenario, as for TS, i feel forgiveness is not quite possible. Too much of bottled up things and it all takes time. It does not help when TS is facing a immediate problem here but we are offering a solution where we only see the effects 10 years later. Forgiveness is not easy, importantly, it takes time and support for that to take place. TS needs real suggestion in solving immediate problem. Forgiveness is all good, but not useful in this case.

mancha SG

Always remember that in a family dispute, there are several versions of the same event.

The perspective from the parents will differ greatly from the view of the TS, and the opinion of the other siblings will also be twisted.

So it is best to just hold you thoughts and emotions, and try as best to be calm and keep the peace.

Just met an in-law at the funeral of a great uncle. The last I saw them was when the children were in JC, now the children are married and have children. Missing gap is because of quarrels over money too. Which now seem petty, the amounts involved around $10,000. On hindsight not worth maintaining animosity for so long over that amount.

Help out a family member, where you can. Don't if you can't. Don't be forced into something you can barely do.

And if you do help, be magnanimous about it.

Don't as in this case, lend and then sulk about it, and spoil the relationship, and risk losing the relationship together with the money.

angel7030 SG

ya, life is not long, money is a material, can be earn or can be lost, just take your lesson in life and move on. I got one classmate who borrow me 1k last time at Haig girl school, she was suppose to help her jobless parent to tide over the difficult time of financial recession, I broke my piggy bank and give to her, cos I rich mah. Then my dad thot I spent on barbie dolls, bought me a big elephant Bank. After so many years, I already forget about the 1k she owe me, we still stay in contact, and met up several times at some outing or school reunion gathering.

During this year CNY, She and her parents visited me, which surprised me, cos I never old classmate's parent visiting me. My Dad and grandma was very happy to welcome guest, especially during CNY to our house, her parents drove a 7 series BMW into our front lawn. Brought along a big CNY hamper with a bottle martel bleu on top, her parents gave me a ang pow, after they left, I opened it, a cheque of 5 thousands was then with a small paper note written, "Dear Angel, without your help, we might not be here, kindly accept our gratitute for your help during our difficult time, thank you"

I shown it to my grandma, she said that is too much, must return, but i took the money and went to korea for a wonderful tour...

Rock^Star SG

wah thanks for the tua pow story. Think sgforums has a lot of loonies.

starz119 SG

To mancha, u can say lif someone lent money but don't sulk when things go wrong later. This isn't just abt money lent. This is abt family member borrowing money and then proceeded to cut off ties with u.I did not on my part initiate the breakup of the relationship between me and my sis. My mother asked me to call my older sis and offer an apology for the dispute. Are u kidding me? My hubby & I are not pleased becos' there is obviously unfairness in this case where bad behaviour on the part of my older sis had been condoned. I can forget abt the 8k but not the hurt. You know the term 'respect'?Basic human respect. We got none. Money is money but what is worse is getting your feelings trampled on and people not showing you an ounce of respect. Yes there are many different versions and many different sides to the same event. I am not perfect, no one is. Don't say over 10k a family can break up, even over 1k, there can be family disputes.

angel7030 SG

Boomz! boomz...

Hitman Factory 1 SG

u have $1000 in your kids piggy bank????10 $100 notes.??im surprised your dad didnt crucify u outside your house after u blew it away!

starz119 SG

To angel7030, I think you are really lucky u met such grateful people in life, somemore not family member but only a friend and her family. I suppose you never in your life met ungrateful people? Perhaps you had unpleasant experiences before and still sound very positive.

Hitman Factory 1 SG

u actually believe a 10 year old toothless kid from primary school had $1k stashed in some piggy bank or under the bed mattress???

mancha SG

Yes, somewhere along the line, its not the money, but the hurt.

The one that borrowed money, feels inferior, and will be extremely sensitive to remarks, real or imagined. The borrower will always be suspicious that family members are whispering slurs behind their backs. This is the cause of resentment brewing among family members.

As usual, pride and hierachy plays a part in not breaking the vicious circle of resentment. One party would say I am the elder why should I apologize, the other party would say I did no wrong why should I apologize.

And family meetings are difficult to control. Unless skillfully moderated, family meetings mostly end up in heated exchanges.

Thats family happenings all through the ages. It all begins with lending money or owing favours.

starz119 SG

To Hitman, hi. Well, there are reasons to believe as well as reasons not to believe what angel 7030 says. I try to give people the benefits of the doubt. But if it's true things happened like this, angel is extremely blessed and lucky I must say. Somemore in this type of dog eat dog world.

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