older sister borrowed money never repay

last SG · 2011-11-17T12:50:20+00:00

My hubby is not rich but he works hard for his money. He is thrifty not stingy. When we were dating he would buy me gifts and if older sis happen to know abt...

Rooney_07 SG

if your story is true, then you have deep problems with your family, esp your sis and mom.

I dunno why, but it must be women who are like this. this is what I called Xiao Nu Ren syndrome. I bet your sis is educated till O level only? your mom not to say lar, old people are stubborn and dunno how to think properly one.

In that case, you need not fret. adopt a heck care attitude like me lol. if have have, dun have dun have. if she doesnt care you as sister and avoid you like a plague, so be it. as for your mother, if she asks you for money, if you have contribute, but if you dun have, tell her say. even if you are tight, tell her you are able to contribute the amount you are comfy. if she is unhappy or what, that is her business. she can approach your siblings for money too.

I think your sis avoid you, is cos she is guilty conscious. is the 8K important to you? treat it as a experience. never lend money to anybody, even your siblings, cos you wont get the money back.

starz119 SG

To Rooney_07, hi there. My older sis is not O level but up to lower secondary but doesn't matter. Is the 8k important to me? Well, it depends. If I am tight , it'll be helpful to me. I can honestly tell you the main issue here now is the hurt and anger that I have towards my family. Even if I get back my 8k which I doubt, there's the underlying family problems. I can only say I now consider my immediate family (kids and hubby) as top priority. My mother and the rest I can say if one day all of them cut off ties with me, I will accept it and move on.

Cassey1215 SG

My guess is you are one of them Xiao Di Di with not a whole lot of experience in life to spout so much naivity.

My guess is that you are also one of those who leach off richer family members yet is able to justify every cent you take from them, yes ?

No I was not abused. But I have plenty of "relatives" who stick their hands out at me demanding I be generous with them, simply because I live in a nicer house with a bigger backyard.

They invite me to their party so that I may pay their bills. When I invite them on a trip, they assume I am paying for their flight tickets and travelling expenses. Perhaps it's better to be poor ( relatively speaking)

Anyway, given your immaturity and "poor" thinking , I doubt you will ever understand how that's like to be constantly taken advantage of.

Speak for yourself, in terms of thinking, u r deluded. I am the Da Ge, ok, u dun even qualify, u r nothing but a big ass mamma wif no brain power.

I have worked for many years and work my way up. Of cuz i know wat it means to be taken adv off. Unlike u, always in bitter though and suffer from abuse and lack forgiveness. It seems that every time one comment comes, u get abuse (verbally, physically and sexually - yuck).

Yer relatives suck because your attitude sucks. My relatives are way better than urs because unlike yer family, my family have integrity, values and good upbringing. I came from a big family, we got many siblings. We all supportive of each other. See the way u talk, like so pandai pandai, no surprise ur relatives are just as nasty. U reap what u sow. So much of bitterness, so little forgiveness.

U were abused wat, u were abused wif the thought that yer relatives took adv of u. U always see wrong things, what u see as naitivity is actually pure goodness. That is why my life so blessed wif good people around me. Unlike u, surrounded by nasty people because u exonerate nastiness.

Cassey1215 SG

Me say beat people up is because that is what TS dad did to her. Can you go through the same thing yourself and say "I forgive you dad?"

**** you okay, my family bankrupt not your problem. I never scold your family, you come **** mine. I just study hard and support my family when I come out to work in the future can ler. Just to let others see what kind of person you are, I am not going to scold back your family or anyone else - I am not going to scold your family here no matter what you say about mine.

You no read guidelines? As long CPF got enough $$, hospital like SGH can allow you to stay first without paying deposit upfront, just that you can only stay in B2/C wards. I in sec 4 nia I know even more than you do.

You say she makes up her mind already, than you talk about forgiveness so much for what? Come back only hit yourself in the face. If you want her forgive, of course you will want her to help out, even if only a little bit. Don't tell me she can truly forgive and not help out at all (not even talking to her dad, not even bringing the granchildren to see the grandpa in the hospital). Back to you on your common sense.

Once again you are saying my ideas are stupid and not giving any idea besides your almighty FORGIVE. Oh, you add in one more idea: to chase the sister for money. Lets look in front on the first 2 pages: Ah! But you forget they are broke in the first place and that is why they cannot squeeze money out.

Anyway, I succeeded in doing what I set out to do: To show that you are a hypocrite who cannot forgive those who argue with you, and have to stoop as low as attacking their families.

Not posting here anymore, time for my dinner (I no go for lunch cause need to go help train my juniors in their CCA despite the fact I graduate liao), and leaving these here for everyone to see.

Just pray hard that everyone who pass by here has as much forgiveness as you talk about.

U say u bankrupt wat. So u r making it everybody's biz to comment about it. If u feel it is so secret, then dun mention it lah.

U sec 4, no wonder so naive la. If the dad got $$ in his CPF, u really think the mommy would ask mother from TS? Secondly, the TS oledi say the sister on spending spree in spite of her biz not doing well. So wat is wrong wif continue to chase payment? Who knows maybe a debtor would pay one big lum sump, n the chasing would persuade sister to pay up. If not all, maybe 30% (better than nothing).

Yes, u succeeded in proving u r a hypocrite. Only sec 4, but dun know shit about forgiveness. Only thinking u r No1 smartarse of the Yr, joint holder with JoJo Beach.

U better study hard because ur family bankrupt, u may not make it to Poly n may end up working part time in MacDonald's with all the PRC workers. U need all the forgiveness u can get. Mr Hypocrite.

Stoop low? I argue doesn't mean, i dun forgive. I think wht is universaly right, i fight for it. U on other hand, only know how to argue for sake of arguing.

I pity yer juniors. The way u train wif so much bitterness, u sure abuse them wan. I somehow feel sorry for their CCA. No go for lunch oso hv to tell people, u very longwinded. Most likely yer abused juniors have to miss dinner too because of hypocrite like u, eat dinner first but make yer juniors diet.

Cassey1215 SG

It seems your mother is targeting you for money.

What about your brother ? Is he contributing at all ?

Since you are not working, it is quite strange your mother keeps bothering you with money.

Is it because your husband is well to do ? Is your mother going after your husband's money ? Has she directly asked money from your husband before ?

Does your mother knows about that 8K you loaned to your older sis ?

U ask a lot of stupid questions. R all your half ass scheme questions going to solve anything?

A curious fact she still stays at home wif her baby, even though her father is abusive. Has the father stopped abusing her from then on? Does her father abuse her older sister too? She doesn't know if the brother is contributing. How come she's the only one abused? The older sister n the mom?

These r much more intelligent questions. Read properly maybe yer big ass is blocking yer view.

Cassey1215 SG

Agree with you.

Can't see why someone is pushing so hard for forgiveness.

Anyway this one is really my last post, no more one last post again.

Good riddance. Maybe u shold start a CCA on forgiveness since u so lack of it.

starz119 SG

To Cassey 1215: I think you really never read properly what I typed earlier on and also I sometimes dun quite understand your ranting. I have nth against u but I can sense very strong fire work from your postings. When u post the above comments to jojobeach and Mastermoogle, I dun feel u r a forgiving person more like attitude problem person. Your choice of words to these 2 are not someone of integrity or good values. A persom who is mature use better choice of words to argue or to convince the other person but yours are hust rants and words I hope my kids wouldn't pick up when they are older.

starz119 SG

And to add on Cassey 1215, I came to this forum to seek advice and suggestions but your theory of forgiveness is not one at all. One thing I wish to point out to u is your earlier post when you dragged purmastermoogle's family in is just rude. So when u said abt forgiveness and Nelson Mandela story, I think very hypocriteical. Actually, I should say u r a bully. When people dun agree, u rant. From my point of view (which I doubt u care), u r too full of yourself. Dun assume people are bitther or have negative thoughts. They are merely putting themselves in my position to post in this forum. I think in one of ur earlier posts here, u mentioned what is the point I post this here if I already made up my mind? Well, I want 2nd opinions that's why. If u think my topic is redundant, please post in other topics. Once again no offence. I believe u as Da Ge will forgive me a Xiao Mei.

starz119 SG

Again to Cassey1215, u mentioned whether I was the only one being abused I can tell u my mother did get verbal abuse from my dad. My older sis did not suffer my kind of abuse, my younger sis did get beaten by dad and bro but not as often as me. I think u might consider reading more abt abuse in family. An abuser does not have to abuse all members if the family. He or she can pick a main target and abuse that target more. Wny me? I dunno. Ask God. The abuse stopped only when I got married and moved out. But my dad gave me silent treatment (a form of mental abuse read it up) my brother also cos' they know my hubby is there when I go visit my mother. My hubby has said to me one more finger lay on me and he is going straight to police.

miopa SG

What ranting? My voice is one message of hope. I am a person of high integrity, i stand up for what is right, that is why i have the passion to face off Jojo Beah and Moogle.

Precisely, this is maturity speaking for itself, standing up for oneself. Ur kids should hear this, when they hear this, they would never let themselves get push around, stand up for themselves. u misunderstand this for ranting, that is why you didn't stand up to your father and tell him to stop. U just look at the way Jojo Beach writes, like a smartarse, your kids should not read it. Jojo Beach was talking about arse, and rude to other people. Jojo wasn't trying to put itself into your shoes, it was trying to be a smart arse. Jojo sould be censored.

Moogle in the first place was rude, so he gave me no choice but to debate more ferociously, and with more vigor and passion. He said his family is bankrupt so rightly so, he gave me the right to comment. I am a forgiving person or else i wont be hear talkign to you.

Mandela story hypocritical? Come on..his story is a message of hope and braveness. You should embrace it. Whatever you want to do...most important is to move on. You already did so, you got a husband and kids. So do it. So, you cut off ties with family, go do it. No one is stopping you. And your younger sister? You think still got hope to maintain ties with her? Is there one member in your family you can at least still have some ties? You can cut lose the ties with the older sister who owe you 8k.

Redundant? hah, with my abundant forgiveness, I am still here talking to u. I never back down from helping whether u say I am helping onot. I know u sure say i am not helping, maybe u think my advice is not helpong, but one day u will thank me.

So yer dad gave u the silent treatment? Good for u, this means his behaviour absolves you from helping him. In other words, he is preventing u from forgiving him. So you are free not to help him because u did whatever you could.

So think about yer youngest sister. After all she was abused. You should come and help her too. Unless u think she is as bad as the rest. If you know being abused is bad, you should be there for yer youngest sister.

starz119 SG

I dun need your opinions and suggestions. What my kids should learn and not learn is not your biz. I am the mother of my kids. You have no biz telling me to stop my dad and brother's abuses. You are not me. You claimed u r from a family of high integrity, good value and upbringing so u should know better u could never feel the kind of pain I went thru so pls shut ur pine hole.

starz119 SG

You would not be in my list of people I want to thank becos' all u really do is ranting. I have a hard time trying to read what u wrote and trying to make them coherent. My kids won't get to read this I will make sure cos' the things u wrote here are really hot air and firework. Talk abt standing up for yourself. I am standing up for myself now. How abt that? U r still a hypocrite to me. You persistent posting in my thread is not acts of forgiving more like pettiness, immaturity and narcissitic. You prefer to attack other people's family and I emphasize here: don't act smart and asked me why I never stand up for myself. Ok? If u were abused as a child, do u think u had the strength, means and courage to fend for yourself? If everybody can do like what u said, there there;ll be no more abuses in this world.

starz119 SG

And to add on, PLEASE dun post in my thread anymore. I already said I dun want your ideas and suggestions. You keep posting to try to get me to see things from ur viewpoint. Your way of posting and ranting just hinder me from trying to get REAL suggestions and ideas from others. In other words, u put some people off and I can't get my thread going productively. You can write and say what u want till the cows come home but please do it with ur wonderful family or any friends of urs. My life is not perfect like urs and u can never understnad my situation so please stop postin gin this thread. I won't post anything back to u again. This is my LAST post to you. But I still welcome othe rpeople's posts. Even if u used a different name, I also won't look at it. U sound like my brother, really minus the physical abuse.

galipoli SG

Huh? What the heck? Talk about ungrateful for helping.

Whatever lah. U shld shut yer pine hole. See? U learn all this rude stuff from Jojo Beach. Hot air? My word, i was giving best advice in the world. Its damn mature, high standards and integrity. I am the righteous one, not hypocrite. I once heard an actor said he was abused as a child, when he became successful in hollywood, he decided to donate money and help charity for those who were abused. My goodness, talk about pine hole, is this how you talk to yer children ? Tell them to shut their pine hole? Its a wonder if they had one, do you resort to beating them as well?

Or u do need my advice, or else u won't be here. I already tell you to forgot them and move on, now you are telling saying you want to stop yer dad and bro abuses? Gosh.

galipoli SG

Whatever lah. I can still post. The forums are not owned.

Talk about abuse. I talk a bit, now I am in the same league as your dad. What the heck.

This is good example of Unforgiveness. See? Even me also kena. Haiz..

starz119 SG

Your family has got a very warped aka crap idea of kinship and money... i believe your sis actually has a better place in their heart and condone all of her actions especially to you. It certainly would not feel well in your position. I think if you are feeling so much stress now, you probably should get your husband to make your family(meaning u and your husband) stand clear to your own family. No means No... ultimately you are a married out lady... use those traditional morale thing to talk to them i guess. Aint married not sure what i can offer you. But probably you hubby can come out to ease some of ur burden. Some parents and siblings are jus pure nonsense.

As for cassey, nth against you but yes forgiveness is correct, but it is not applicable on every case and scenario, as for TS, i feel forgiveness is not quite possible. Too much of bottled up things and it all takes time. It does not help when TS is facing a immediate problem here but we are offering a solution where we only see the effects 10 years later. Forgiveness is not easy, importantly, it takes time and support for that to take place. TS needs real suggestion in solving immediate problem. Forgiveness is all good, but not useful in this case.

Hi imdestinyz, me and my hubby have discussed this issue. My hubby has said that he would speak to my mother if she even want to listen. Once I told her I cannot contribute to the medical bills, she changed her tone.I mentioned earlier that I told her once and for all that we can't help, her hounding phone calls stopped.I think she knew she can't manipulate me . Ya, a crap idea of kinship and money. Thanks for sharing your opinions.

uber_troubled SG

TS, as much as i wanna say hao ren yo hao bao, it never works out that way, or at least for me, but one thing is for sure, you wouldnt want to go down to the level of your family members, so if you dont have money, tell them first, and work or something to get abit of money and help to ease the financial load your family is experiencing, prove to them you are better than them and not so screwed up. Also, that person lying on the hospital bed is , first and foremost, your father, and from what i see, you should do your job as a daughter and help him. It is definitely his fault for abusing you, but it is gonna be your fault for not helping him. So just help them to the best of your ability, and if they still treat u like crap, smile it off. If your sister still ignores you, go straight up to her and ask. If your mum still thinks of you negatively after you have helped your father to the best of your ability, at least you and your hubby knows you did your utmost best. For me, as long as the person i love appreciates me, thats all i need. Hope this helped you and good luck Very Happy

starz119 SG

Hi thanks for your post. Well, I already tried to resolve things with my sis but she is not willing to reconcile. I can’t force her. Even if I want to maintain family relations with her, if she doesn’t want to, then nothing I can do. As for my mother, time will tell if she wants to have anything to do with me. As for helping my father, the only thing currently I can do is use my CPF to clear some medical bills. Cash wise, like I said before, I can’t currently come up with it. I won’t go borrow from people, not wise idea at all.Work wise, I am taking care of my 2 young kids now, On my hubby’s side, there’s only my mother-in-law who has health problems so hubby has to help her too.

uber_troubled SG

Well then you did your best already, so dont be bothered so much by it Smile on a side note, dont your father or mother have any sibling that can.help?

starz119 SG

Hi, my father only has one brother on his side. I have never met him before. I know from my mother he is estranged from my dad and he is not living in S’pore. Nobody knows where he is after 40 over years. On my mother’s side, my aunts are all old and some also passed on. One of my aunts as I mentioned before lent money to my older sis which she never repaid and somemore avoided aunt’s phone calls. The relatives on my mother side are all scared to have anything to do with us. I can understand that. Who want to be close to our dysfunctional family. If no one there wants to help, I have no authority to force them or ask them to do so. Such is life. Own family problems ownself settle.

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