I knew a girl like S once.
She would rationalize in her head that these sort of 'scandals'
were innocent because they didn't cross these 'lines' that she had
come up with. Some of these lines were the societal norms expected
from a marrital union....and some of these lines were crafted to
suit her own 'wants'. The first problem she had was not realising
(or successfully lying to herself) that both sets of lines were the
same. They are not. But believing that they were gave her a
convenient 'escape clause' should the validity of these lines ever
come into questions.
If one wants to use "lines" to determine "right and wrong" in a
marital situation, do not come up with the lines on their own.
Speak to your spouse/partner and come up with a mutually agreeable
set of lines/boundaries between both.
"S" isn't a victim in this...but the way the entire scenario is
being narrated indicates subtle notes of that she is "helpless on
what to do".
But then this part comes in..."To the matter of fact, S
knows it's complicated and she doesn't needs anyone to agree to
what she does.."
Seems to me "S" knows exactly what she needs to do....and
infact, can do what she needs to do....but just doesn't want to do
it.
Yeah...there might be existing problems in the marriage with "J"
(emotional needs unfulfilled...etc)....and there might be something
between "S" and "L"....but those aren't really the issues that go
to the root of the problem.
The problem here is "S" likes to believe that because some view
the world in Black & White, it means noone can be faulted when
'playing in the grey areas'.
There is no grey area.
"S" isn't really looking for an answer to her situation or help
with understanding her situation to make it better. She's known the
Right & Wrongs for this even before she started the game....and
to her, that's all it is. A game.
For whatever reasons she's concocted this "game" (be it
insecurity of self) which can be seen here in this outright cry for
validation that she should be seen as "lucky" ...
quote: " She just happens to be
lucky that she has 2 guys who goes crazy over her
."
or for any other reason that she can successfully lie to herself
to believe....
Only one thing is certain...
"S" is the only problem in the two equations.... S+J &
S+L.
Remove the problem. It's that simple.
Very interesting analysis and much of it I think is true.
