I am 30 years old and my wife and I have been married for 4
years. I known my wife for over 7 years because before we got
married we dated for 3 years.
All those years when we where in a relationship, she never knew
the deep dark secret about me; I am addicted to porn. I like to
especially watch Japanese porn and memorise the name of Japanese AV
idols, as I imagine that I have sexual trysts with them in my
head.
After we got married and moved in together in the apartment we
shared to buy, everything was ok. At first I was able to stop
masturbation and watching porn for 6 months but the urge got in teh
way. Whenever my wife is working late or she goes for her pillate
lessons or visit her parents place, I take opportunity to surf the
net for porn and masturbate. The pretty Japanese girls is so
unbelievable that my heart years for them even though I feel so
guilty because I love my wife so much. Sometimes when we go
shopping outside togather, when I see some pretty girls looking
like hot japanese, I get a bit erotic.
However, recently my life of crime have caught up on me when one
day my wife was using my notebook, she somehow was able to access
all the hidden porn I downloaded. She even once got back home early
to catch me masturbating. We argued a lot over this, I apologised
to her but she cried and we haven't spoken a lot recently. I feel
so guilty because she is a good wife, she has been there for me
through all my troubles. However, I am addicted to porn, it is like
drugs to me. I have been watching porn and masturbating since 7
years old when I stayed with my grandmother and my uncle used to
store his secret collection of porn video in his room, I would
watch them whenever he is not around. Early years of watching porn
has made me a porn addict.
I don't have affairs, I think I am very helpful to my wife, we
clean the apartment together, I always give her a lift to work, we
go shopping all the time, our parents like us as son in laws and
daughter in laws. We get along fine, we love each other. However,
it is porn that is tearing us apart. My wife tells me that she
feels betrayed that I go watch porn and masturbate because it makes
her feel that I don't want her anymore and I want other women. In a
way, I feel guilty too, I know that outer beauty is not surreal and
what is important is in the heart. Recently my wife has suggested I
go for therapy.
Your wife needs to seek counseling.
It is not porn nor your private act destroying this
marriage.
It is her perception of what goes on in your head that is
destroying this marriage.
Put yourself in her shoes.
If she sees a sexy guy at the swimming pool.. and she gets all
horny and starts masturbating or seek your body for sex that
day..how will you feel ? Used.
When she is having sex with you.. will you not wonder if she is
imagining you are someone else ?
Do women fantasise about having sex with another guy ? yes we
do. But we keep these to ourselves because we do not want to hurt
our love one. But when you do porn, you confirmed it openly.. and
it hurts her feelings.
When you are having sex with her.. she will be thinking you must
be imagining your wife to be someone else. This makes her feel
inadequate, and her self-esteem destroyed.
Are you somehow, hoping to let her into this secret world of
yours.. that's why you are so careless about concealing your tracks
?
Perhaps you are hoping for ACCEPTANCE of this hobby of yours.
All these years of hiding is wearing you down... but there are
secrets in life.. we need to bring to our graves.
After all these years.. your love credits have dwindled..
perhaps your sex live ain't so active anymore.. your wife is not
stupid.. she can figure this out... and she is feeling highly
INSECURE about your love for her.
Seek to amend the and re-ignite the love.. or the demise of this
marriage will be inevitable due to INACTION.
