yes, i agreed with you that the word "used" is hurtful and
derogatory.
but it is also reflect how some male view divorcee.
dont worry about not putting too much stress on your partner. I
have relative who married a divorcee with 2 kids from previous
marriage. We do talk about it initially but easily get over it
after we know her.
you seem to have a sincere heart and i am sure guys will
see through that and accept u. it is only a matter of time but make
sure you start grooming yourself too before you enter the dating
scene again. most ladies stop maintaining their physique after
marriage. sadly to say, most of the time, men are shallow. we
judge ladies within the first 5 mins and men will only proceed with
courtship if there is slight hint of lust.
Good luck!
Thanks for your replies.
It would not matter to me if the reason for objecting to getting
along with a divorcee is that she is someone who was "used". A
woman is a human, not an object. I know a traditional, patriarchal
society sees it as a man's world but nonetheless, appraising anyone
basing on "new" and "used" isn't respectful, not even to a
bachelorette whom they classify as "new", so let alone using such
measures to gauge the value of your life partner.
There are indeed valuable principles of a traditional and even a
patriarchal society. I think the main value of patriarchy is the
order and harmony it creates within the unit. It should not be
about power and dominance. That is abusing the system. I would for
instance, understand if the stigma of being associated with divorce
is related to the idea of a broken family unit, or a woman who was
non-virtuous or not dutiful. I can even understand if there is this
discomfort in knowing that the person you're closing a
once-in-a-lifetime and sacred ceremony (aka marriage) with, isn't
doing it for the first time. But in the case of measuring a person
basing a "new-old-discarded-etc" rating, it is simply an issue of
the man's character. It is has nothing to do with being
traditional. And living with someone of such a character might lead
to other complications in the marriage.
Anyway, AFB does have a point in saying that we are marrying
just one person at the end of the day, so all the different
opinions of the society do not matter. But psychologically, I
am affected. It's because when I get into a new relationship and
find a great guy who loves me for who I am, I hope I can give him
the best too. Hence how the society sees his wife (i.e. me) would
be important to me because I would like to be the best possible
person he can marry. And the reason why I wouldn't disclose my
marital status, since no one at home knows about it afterall, isn't
really because of my own reputation. It's mainly so that my future
partner wouldn't have to face any unnecessary stress.
